As we were scrolling through Quora, we found an interesting question posed by a woman who wished to convince her daughter-in-law to look after their home rather than going to work.
This obviously didn’t sit well with Quorans and here is how they responded:
Your son might have already discussed and they may be in agreement. Why do you want to interfere in their decision? So love and respect the decision of your daughter-in-law. If she wants to work let her work and achieve her ambitions, support her with an open heart. When she feels she want to take a break, she will take or she may work part-time etc. Support her choice either way. Love and be loved.
1950 called looking for you. The house isn’t going anywhere, it will still be there when she comes home from work. Nobody is less of a spouse, parent or human because they work.
They were (obviously) quick to school her.
What’s the harm if she works after marriage? Why should she be forced to be financially dependent? Why should she leave her ambition after marriage just because you want her only to look after the house? You really need to understand that a woman’s life doesn’t revolve around the kitchen and housework. Looking after the house is the responsibility of both the partners.
Please don’t try to convince her to do something she doesn’t want to. She’ll be unhappy and discontent her whole life. Whole life! Imagine spending the one life you have doing something someone else wants and not doing what you want to do. I wish people would just let people be. Why expect so much? Working, non-working. I feel one should just let everyone do what they want.
People told her that a woman has every right to make her own decision.
Find a different girl. One who has not passed high school. One who is not interested in academics. One who likes to stay at home. There are plenty of people who enjoy staying at home. Don’t try to change people.
Why should it be only her who has to compromise with her dreams? She must have worked hard to bag a job which in turn bring in money which fulfils her small wishes, she can look after her parents, she can support her younger siblings, she can buy herself her dream house. I mean money is a vehicle to ending financial woes. And if you try stopping her you are the one who will not be respected in the future.
They told her that maintaining a house is everyone’s responsibility, not just a woman’s.
If I was in your place I would encourage and support her to be financially independent. We are living in very uncertain times and financial security is as important as taking care of the home. Both you and your son can help her with the household tasks so that she can go to work if she wishes. You can allot specific households tasks to all at home so that your daughter in law is not overburdened with all the work.
Why would you even want to? This is her personal choice, not yours. Respect her wishes. Whatever choice she makes is perfectly fine as long as it is her choice. No one has any right to try to dictate or sway her to do anything. She’s an adult and this isn’t 1950. Don’t meddle in the personal lives of others. If we would all learn to worry about our own life, problems, and choices, rather than the affairs of others, the world would be much more peaceful. It is possible to look after the home and work at the same time. People do it all over the world. It’s not like she has to pick just one or the other. Regardless, it’s her choice and her business what she does. Something that doesn’t involve you or require you interfering with whatever meddling purpose you have in mind behind it. Keep it up and she may just avoid you altogether because no one wants to constantly be around someone trying to pressure them into doing something they don’t want to do. It isn’t asking much to be respectful of her as a person and respect her wishes. It’s her life and her choice. If you’re willing to step up and experience all of her burdens yourself, take on all of her responsibilities, and pay all of her bills, then you can have a say in what she does with her own life. If not, then back off. You have no right to trying convincing her of anything that pertains to her own life. She’s a grown woman. You probably wouldn’t appreciate it if someone were constantly pressuring you to do something you didn’t want to do, right? So grant her the same privilege you’d expect for yourself. It isn’t asking much to be respectful.
It’s sad to see that even in this post-modern era, our patriarchal society labels daughters-in-law as the main caregivers in a family.
You have nothing to do with it, it’s your son’s and his wife’s decision to work after marriage or not, and I request you to stay away from such discussions. Your son is marrying a girl not to look after the rest of the family quitting the job but to live with your son happily. If she wishes to continue working let her do that. Don’t try to hurt her feelings at the beginning itself. Give your opinion only when you are asked and not unsolicited. Once you marry him off your responsibility is over as they are a family after the marriage.
YOU can keep your mouth shut. Do you honestly want to start family drama with your complete idiocy? She hasn’t even been married and you want to act like she is a doll to play with? Do you seriously already want to start your life as a monster in law? It’s her life, NOT yours. If she wanted your opinion on the matter she would ask for it. YOU have NO SAY in the matter. YOUR OPINION DOESN’T MATTER AT ALL. YOU NEED to learn YOUR PLACE, which is to stop your mouth from running and trying to change someone else’s life to how you want it to be or look like. What you want has NOTHING to do with what SHE WANTS or HOW SHE LIVES. Stay OUT of someone else’s marriage and personal life unless asked otherwise. Sincerely, Someone who enjoys looking after their home.
Some people even asked her to go back to the stone age with her patriarchal mindset.
First of all, hello, the head of the Control Freak department. Before we address your question why don’t you try convincing your son to leave his job too? It’s his home too, right? I just don’t understand how would her decision affect you? Seriously, this isn’t about you. Even if her decision is to be a homemaker it’s none of your business. It’s clear you look down upon career-oriented women but at the same time, it’s people like you who also treat homemakers as trash. Every single nosy, jobless person who forces their daughter-in-law to be a homemaker just wishes to have a submissive maid under their beck and call. Finally, get a life.
You cannot. Instead, why don’t you try to convince your son to stop working after marriage and look after the home? If he doesn’t get convinced too, then you should just convince yourself, that you are living in the 21st century where women empowerment has given prime importance. But some people like you, have issues with it. Your daughter-in-law or your daughter will have a whole right to state rejection to your demand. You cannot throw your biased opinion regarding household matters just to your daughter-in-law. Looking after the home is an unpaid job or duty of every family member in the house. So try to come out of this imaginary world that your daughter-in-law will get convinced with whatever bullshit you say.
From doing all the household chores to taking care of the entire family, several daughters-in-law are expected to compromise on their career after they get married.
It’s 2021 and your daughter in law has the right to live however she chooses and if she chooses not to be a walking live-in housekeeper and baby factory that is entirely up to her and anything you say to contradict that will simply push her farther away from you and your opinion about what a wife should be.
Asia called, they want their sexism back. This isn’t the 50’s anymore. Men aren’t determining beauty by women’s ankles and women are actually allowed to speak against men’s opinions without getting abused. Gasp! If someone wants to work, you let them. The fact that you actually thought anyone would agree with you on this topic proves how stuck in the past you actually are. It’s their own personal decision whether they want to stay at home or not.
Some people told her that her thinking doesn’t belong in 2021.
If you think a woman’s only job is to take care of the house, a grown-up man and I am sure you want grandchildren, then you need to stop living in the 19th century. It’s 2021, your daughter-in-law has every right to work and do things according to her way. Your job was to raise your man to be a respectful human being, I don’t know if you did if I have to judge by your question, but that’s literally it. Women are not slaves. What they decide to do with their life, whether that is being in-home or making a career is their choice, you have no right to convince your daughter against it.
Hello, is this still 2021?