Well, I can rant about all the things that are wrong with the way we treat our women but somebody else has a better take on the stereotypical notions of women that our society still feeds on.

Kanika Kaul, a young designer from Mumbai, encapsulates all the archaic notions that an Indian woman is supposed to abide by, in five tongue-in-cheek humorous posters. The quintessential guide for every lady to follow. 

Here’s how you can also become the ‘Perfect Indian Woman’:

Step 1: Obtain lots of dowry. Trust me, it’s all for you. 

No man wants a wife who comes into the home empty handed. Ask your dad to lighten his pockets, considerably. Don’t stop at just 72′ LED TV. How will your husband go to work where he will ignore you for hours? A spanking new car or two will only enhance your position in your new home. Or so you think.

So drain your parents of all their hard-earned money. You’ve left anyway, who else are they going to spend it on? Themselves?! What a thought.

Step 2: Stay at home. Because why work if your man is earning. 

Why do you need to be exposed to the world outside when your husband will make all your decisions for you? You will unnecessarily become open-minded, and no one likes a woman who is “smart” and “experienced”, am I right? Your degree is as useless as your self esteem…it, more or less, doesn’t exist. Why do you need to make a career when you have to pop out babies soon enough. Leave the hard work to the men, ladies.

So stay at home, cook relentlessly so that your tired husband comes home after a day’s work only to malign your cooking skills. And watch your bahu-ness soar.

Step 3: Say no to jeans. Duh, Sanskaar bro! 

As written in our ancient revered scriptures, “comfort to the dogs and women can suck it.” Our traditions stipulate that women look their sexiest in a saree, preferably on the big screen, standing under a waterfall. Aping western culture and opting for practical, comfortable clothing is causing the downfall of our Indian-ness. Not to mention how titillating you will look to random men on the road who will see nothing wrong in teasing you and then blaming it on your clothes. But you’re in a saree. Nothing wrong with that. Let’s explain this with an equation.

The amount of clothes on your body is directly proportional to your SS or Sanskaar Score. Higher your SS, the closer you are to becoming the perfect Indian woman!

Step 4: Embrace violence. Because hey! you ask for it. 

Come on ladies, do you have no idea how frustrating when you be sometimes? I mean, your husband comes home drunk out of his mind and you get upset? How dare you? What other option does he have other than to slap you across the face? The bruises are consequences of your own doing, ladies, Stop blaming other people for what they do to you.

Your husband, and every other man, is entitled to do what he likes to you, as long as you remember you deserve it. You deserve all of it. The catcalling, the eve-teasing, the physical violations, everything. What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. And if it does kill you, it’s because you asked for it.

Step 5: Be Inert. Because nobody likes a woman with an opinion. 

Ladies, ladies. What’s this new obsession with being brave and speaking out? Remember, you are a woman. Who gave you the right to exercise your brain? Your emotions don’t allow you to think. Your periods skew your rationality.

Your femininity lies in your silence. You are more desirable when you shut up. Your opinions are not important to anyone. You must suppress them and never let people know what you think. Imagine that, a woman with an opinion. The horror.

Follow Kanika’s brilliant work on Instagram and Behance.   

H/T: Vagabomb