Dear ex, remember me?
I am the girl you dated for almost a decade before telling me that you couldn't talk about us to your parents, because I wasn't 'wife material'. Well, thank the fuck you are out of my life because I wouldn't want to be 'wife material' for you, or anyone!
As soon as you stated I wasn't 'wife material', despite the fact that you'd dated me-- idiosyncrasies, clumsiness, and all--you made me believe that I wasn't 'good enough' to be wife. The moment you told me I wasn't wife material, I felt like I had been reduced to an object that was rejected for not being perfect enough. And that, my dear ex, is never acceptable.
This isn't a rant against you. It's an eye-opener for you, and so many people like you, who believe in the concept of 'wife material'. Because there is no such thing as that. 'Wife material' is nothing more than an unrealistic expectation for your partner to not be your equal, but to rather, fit into the mould of a 'sanskaari bahu'.
Like your expectation that I will give up smoking if we are to get married. I should give up smoking for my health, but why are my lungs more important after I've circled the fire seven times?
I could also not understand why you asked me to 'tone down' the political discussions and movie debates that made our Friday night ritual. What did you think would happen? And your comment on how my tattoos would not give off a 'good impression' was most definitely not your finest moment.
What changed the second the term 'holy matrimony' was brought into the discussion? How did we change from equals partners to 'master-slave' modus operandi? And not the sexy, role-play kind.
Expecting a woman to fulfill household duties, simply because she is a woman, falls right under the category of gender bias. Because you have assumed that from shopping to cooking, any activity that has traditionally been performed by women, should continue to be performed by women only.
But why? These activities are not biological actions, so why are gender roles being designed around them? If both of us are working individuals, then why should home still be the woman's stronghold? Why can it not be a shared responsibility?
If we are getting married, why is the expectation only on me, as the woman, to leave her house and adjust to a whole new family? What is wrong with a couple living away from both sets of parents?
More importantly, if a woman proposes to live separately after marriage, then why does that automatically brand her an 'evil vamp'? Or as you put it, I was being 'illogical and too modern'.
Living away from parents would not have meant abandoning them. It simply meant, let's carve our own independence, with both of us at equal footing. So that I don't spend the initial years of our marriage, feeling like a stranger in my own house.
When a person talks about a woman in terms of being a 'wife material', then he or she is reducing a woman's entire personality, including her mistakes and achievements, to her role as a wife. And in this role, she will be judged by how well she caters to her in-laws, how self-sacrificial is her attitude, and how round her rotis are.
Because if that isn't the case, then why is the concept of 'wife material' even present? What qualities could one possibly find lacking in a person, to not deign them as 'wife material'? How is 'wife material' anything other than a promotion of illogical societal roles?
Because simply being born with a vagina does not translate to amazing cooking skills. Trust me, I know.
If your respect for women changes with how women fare on your unrealistic expectations, then you're neither progressive nor woke. You're most definitely a sexist asshole though!
So, to the men who 'disregard' women for not being 'wife material', it's time you realize that women don't hold a responsibility to care or look after you. We are not biologically conditioned to. We will not be brainwashed by society to do so. And we will most definitely not risk our happiness to be 'wife material'.
And to my ex, boy bye!