It’s a common practice in many desi households for women to eat after everyone else has finished their meal. But is it a healthy practice? 

When we ask our mothers why they do this, they almost always tell us that they don’t mind waiting to eat, and gently tell us to focus on our food. Of course it’s their love for us, but isn’t it unfair that the person who cooks for everyone, thinks about everyone, eats after everyone?


And I wish that the sole reason for it was their love for us, but women, in general, are conditioned to think about their loved ones before themselves. 

It’s a gender role issue, not just a trait that desi mothers have. Which is why this thread where Twitter user Anshika Malik has posted about the social norm was so interesting to come across. 

Here’s how some people responded to Anshika’s tweet. Some acknowledged just how dismissive and patriarchal the norm is, while others discussed how they make sure their mother never eats alone. Which, by the way, was both endearing and a relief to read! 

But unfortunately, some people justified the practice and even dismissed how problematic it is by asking Anshika why she was discussing this publicly! 

It seems as though, either people were excusing how inconsiderate the norm is by glorifying mothers and their self-sacrificial nature or they were shutting the original tweet down by telling Malik that she should change the norm in her own home, rather than discuss it on Twitter. 

It’s sad because even if mothers or women choose to nurture the people around them (at their own cost), isn’t that a greater reason for us all to consider their needs. Or to fight for their comfort and remind them that they deserve rest and nurturing too? 

This person right here went all out and justified how flawed gender roles are. 

And you good sir are clearly confused between selflessness and being self-sacrificial. One is based in generosity, the other is about giving to others at your own detriment. Why is it that women are expected to hurt themselves or compromise their wellbeing for others?  

Is it a woman’s motherly instincts to feed the people around her before she sits down for a meal, OR is it years and years worth of conditioning women have undergone to always cater to the people around them? 

This tweet reminds me of how so many of us have also been told to keep the dysfunction and abuse going on in our families and households to ourselves. 

But what about our mothers’ appetites? What about their health?