Marriage is a big step, one of the biggest you take in your personal life. It involves a great deal of emotional and financial investment which obviously leads to big consequences.
A lot of times people tend to forget the last part. Or at least they don't actively think about it.
And that's mostly because of the way our culture is. Marriage has been turned into this carnival that starts with a (big) event and that's it, you're together. For life. Through thick and thin. It's all great.
Is it, really, though? We have all seen couples struggling because none of them bothered to ask questions to each other before getting married and hence there was/is no clarity.
That is where the following thread proves helpful. Created by Twitter user Saag Jaan, it is titled: DONT GET MARRIED BEFORE. Now, this thread has a list of questions that you must ask your partner AND yourself so that friction, if any, can be reduced in future. Here you go:
1. Talk about DEBT— Saag Jaan 🇦🇫 (@cxkenobxkerry) July 23, 2020
Defining 'loyalty', the number of kids you guys want to have (if at all).
3. When/how many kids yall want (adoption? are one of you infertile? etc.)— Saag Jaan 🇦🇫 (@cxkenobxkerry) July 23, 2020
Diseases, relocation, career plans.
5. Talk about your 5-10 year timeline regarding career/education. Can you move? Willingness to relocate? etc.— Saag Jaan 🇦🇫 (@cxkenobxkerry) July 23, 2020
Religious inclinations, value system, mental health issues (if any).
7. Anger managements issues: do one of you struggle? Are you in therapy for it/taking it out on others? Seek help, bc it will destruct you and the future and the children....— Saag Jaan 🇦🇫 (@cxkenobxkerry) July 23, 2020
The vibe, the clothing.
9. CLOTHING: it may seem like a small problem but small things eventually ADD up. Make sure your expectations MATCH one another to full comfort.— Saag Jaan 🇦🇫 (@cxkenobxkerry) July 23, 2020
Sex (needs, desires, preferences), money matters.
11. Finances: how do you intend on splitting bills? Gender roles? Taking the parents in during old age? etc.— Saag Jaan 🇦🇫 (@cxkenobxkerry) July 24, 2020
Interaction with the opposite sex, space.
13. Opposite gender boundaries. Set what’s okay. What’s not okay. Hugs/handshakes/etc. I know it sounds tribal & trust should be there but you’d be surprised what people’s boundaries are. Better to know than not know— Saag Jaan 🇦🇫 (@cxkenobxkerry) July 24, 2020
Savings, what parts of your relationship do you want to make public.
15. I mentioned this before, but SAVINGS. How much do y’all have earned & combined? How much is your intended salaries? Is it sustainable? Apartment? House? Condos? Etc. speak futuristically if it’s not smthing u can afford right now. Get on the same page.— Saag Jaan 🇦🇫 (@cxkenobxkerry) July 24, 2020
Definition of 'cheating', definition of 'abuse'.
17. Physical and verbal abuse: what is and isn’t considered abusive language and decorum? Seek help, please. Professionals can always step in.— Saag Jaan 🇦🇫 (@cxkenobxkerry) July 24, 2020
What if some tragedy takes place? Your wishes.
19. Importantly, LOVE is not what keeps relationships going. An active commitment to LOVE, despite the downfalls, keeps it going. Get out the princess-king happily ever after mindset and you’ll be fine— Saag Jaan 🇦🇫 (@cxkenobxkerry) July 24, 2020
And lastly, THIS.
20. I want everyone to notice how I failed to mention level of education, family or tribal background, ethnicity, job level, & all. It’s because none of this matters in the long run. Trust. you ain’t a good person based off superficial attributes.— Saag Jaan 🇦🇫 (@cxkenobxkerry) July 24, 2020