Life is already difficult for women without men creeping them out every step of the way. Not to compare tragedies but where do you escape to when you are married, living with your in-laws and your father-in-law starts passing comments, especially when your mother-in-law is not around, that scare the life out of you?
This is not a hypothetical scenario, I am speaking about. A Redditor recently spoke about the ordeal his wife has to face and asked people what he should do in the scenario. He recently got married but now has been posted to a remote area, while his wife stays with his parents.
last week while talking to my wife she said that she feels slightly uncomfortable in the house when my mother goes away and that sometimes my father inadvertently makes remarks that weird her out. I was beyond shocked to hear this so asked her to give an example. One recent case was that when she stopped wearing earrings for a couple of weeks, one day my father while watching a movie told her that “… look at Madhuri Dixit in the movie how beautiful she looks with earrings, young girls look very beautiful with those you should also always wear those unless you have some allergy in ear .. do you have allergy ?…” according to her all this talk about her beauty and comparison actress in a movie extremely creeped her out and since then all the loving gestures my father shows like urging her to eat more, giving her things, trying to help her in kitchen, commenting on her things etc. makes her very uncomfortable, specially because now a days she is the only girl in our house for weeks.
He further details the ordeal while asking Redditors how to have this conversation with his family and his father about this.
Unlike in most circumstances on social media, this time Redditors actually have been giving him some reasonable advice.
I have faced what your wife is facing from my own grandfather. Weird comments always about my appearance or something Im wearing, just really creeped me out, and I was dying to get out of his house. It always felt like my grandfather is about to do something disgusting to me, but he never did, but that’s the mental distress his comments put me in. It doesn’t matter how innocent the intentions are, if it comes out creepy it is creepy. So please ask her if she wants to live with you if she doesn’t feel comfortable. That’s the only solution.
I’m curious – when you were well aware of your posting, why exactly did you get married when you knew your wife won’t be able to stay with you? It doesn’t seem like a well thought out decision unless the aim was to get a caretaker for your parents in the first place. You need to talk to your father and tell him that your wife was uncomfortable in no uncertain terms. If these boundaries are not created early, parents will only disrespect you more.
It’s 2022. Your wife should not be staying with your parents to take care of your parents household. She should-be with you taking care of her own household. Commenting on daughter’s/in-laws appearance is creepy and comparing them to actresses is decidedly creepy. Even if it is purely a case if misspeaking on your father’s part or misunderstanding on your wife’s part the fact is she is uncomfortable. Imagine living weeks alone with a person that makes you uncomfortable and unable to relax in your own home. Your wife doesn’t deserve this simply for being born a woman.
Hopefully, OP does speak to his father and his mother about this. Abuse often starts with mere words and before you know things have escalated into physical and mental harm. Also, stay with your wife, while you are at it. She’s married to you, FFS.