Neeru Nagarajan, a social media user, took to her account and elaborated on how she had to seek permission for the smallest things from her former in-laws in her previous marriage. She wrote how it has contributed to her anxiety.
Sometimes I think about my previous marriage and the smallest things that used to give me anxiety. "My cousin's visiting the US, can I go meet her?" "A family member's getting married, would you come to the wedding?" Everything involved ego-stroking, begging, pleading.— Neeru Nagarajan (@poonaikaari) June 15, 2022
Too many Indian men and their families like to make all these tiny things a matter of pride. There's nothing to be proud of if you're controlling a person and stressing them out over inconsequential things.— Neeru Nagarajan (@poonaikaari) June 15, 2022
Men showing up in the comments with "men deal with pain too" "women are saying one-sided things" etc., will not be suffered. Cry me a river 🤷♀️— Neeru Nagarajan (@poonaikaari) June 19, 2022
The post, which has garnered over 1200+ likes, grabbed the attention of several desi married women. There were a number of women who agreed with her sentiment.
In fact, women also shared how their in-laws controlled their lives and made them miserable. Here's what they had to say:
Tell me about it. It used to take me two days and sleepless nights to get the courage to ask MIL if I could visit my family. Now I look back and think why did I do that but I was very young at the time. Now I am an angry auntyjee so nobody dares say anything— Alia Waheed (@AliaWaheed) June 17, 2022
The 'regrets' of those initial days adjustments, just because you're a nice person, never go away. Because once you realise it was all in vain, its yourself you get angry with. "why did I let that happen to me? " is a very tough question to answer.— Ravia (@Quaintrelle21) June 17, 2022
Yes. This common practice in India to control a daughter in law. I was not allowed to meet my friends or Sister living near my home.— Pratibha Singh (@Pratibha24singh) June 18, 2022
My father in law said, "Shadi k baad friendship nahi hoti hai".
I got regularly beaten up coz I stood in the common balcony, coz my male friends came to visit me when I went to home, coz his friends praised me for my cooking and so on & so forth...the list is long. Then I left him & my mom said it's my destiny n blamed me for leaving him.🤯— Seema Namboodiri (@SeemaNamboodir1) June 19, 2022
I've faced so much trauma and gaslighting that I didn't even know that was what was happening, until I messed up every subsequent relationship.— punam mohandas (@PunamMohandas) June 17, 2022
Of course, that also made me choose the wrong relationships😑
Mannn i even do this at my workplace. I always sound like asking for their permission rather than informing of things i have valid reason for. Trauma response or just insecurities?— chaiparathaaa (@chaiparathaaa) June 17, 2022
That anxious feeling of replaying the "request" again and again in your mind, just so you sound right . And finally you ask and it leads to an argument. Such a crap feeling.— Umm Afiyah (@AizahS165) June 16, 2022
The woman gets married and uprooted from her home after 20-30 years. She is expected to immediately start loving / respecting her in-laws while constantly being criticized for every single thing she does. Life of a woman staying with in-laws is hell. Yet the cycle continues— Soumendu Gangopadhyay (@rangermax2002) June 20, 2022
Glad it’s a previous marriage now— Zeenia Shaukat (@Zeeniashaukat) June 16, 2022