I am sure there have been days when you thought that you and I could not work, I cannot imagine bringing me up. It feels crazy that there was a time I could not be without you, and here I am when I have to be without you. You have made the choices for my life for over two decades. It’s scary I know- letting me make my life choices all on my own. 

Right now it might look like I’m off the track, I’m not really sure about the path either. But hold it right there and don’t panic because I’m writing this to tell you everything.

I’m just in my twenties

The world is such a huge, vast place. There are so many things to see, so many things to learn and I’m doing just that. It scares me, a lot. I’ve been so used to you taking care of things that the entire prospect of owning up to my responsibilities scares me. But ma, dad, you have no idea how independent it has made me. I notice the surprise in your voice you know, when we talk on the phone. 

Your “oh” at me paying my bills never escapes me. My growing up has been a shock to you too, I guess. I’m no less surprised myself.

I know it’s the toughest thing you have done, letting me make my choices

It would seem like a breach of the protective spell you have woven around me all my life. I know you have seen the world a lot more than I have, I know it’s tough to watch me take a plunge. I remember how you sat me down, explaining what all living alone meant. But you people did it, and that too without the support system that I have. You know, taking care of things on my own is not so tough for me because I saw you two do it for the first twenty-one years of my life! You people were the best I could learn from. It was not easy, adhering to your disciplinary ways, but man has it paid off.

I will never learn if you don’t let me make my mistakes.

I know there’ll be blunders that I’ll make, and I know it scares you the most. But please remember: no matter what choice I make, you are the first people on my mind. So many things have turned out well for me because my decisions were based on what you’d do. There is a reason I don’t call every time I’m in a pickle, it’s because I want to be as independent as you are. You want that too I’m sure. I need to make my mistakes, it’s my only shot at knowing what does not work. 

I know I’m asking for too much here, but please, please understand. You were my age once, you’d have wanted it too, right?

I am finally making my own terms and living by them, but please don’t think I’ve forgotten what you taught me.

It is impossible. There are certain things I do a lot differently than what you’d have done, but my individuality is made up of things you both taught me. I have seen you work hard, I have seen your punctuality and I have seen your integrity towards everything you ever took up. I have not seen you two back off from anything that was thrown your way. I wish I had words enough to tell you how valuable that is, and I got it from you! You cannot imagine how much strength I draw from you even when you’re so far away. 

Please trust yourselves. 

You left no stone unturned when it came to what I needed. Everything I have and am is because of the efforts that you put in. I know it would have baffled you to make choices on my behalf when I was too little to make my own. I know that a million thoughts would have crossed your mind before you made the tiniest decision related to my upbringing. Please trust that hard work and that effort.

Do you think I will stray away when I know how your whole life revolves around me?

I love you guys. 

And I swear I will make you proud someday. But right now I’m finding my way in the wilderness, which does not mean I’m lost. It’s just that I don’t know what lies ahead of the curve in the road, but whatever it is I know I will make it. All I need is time, because anybody can take over the world with the likes of you backing them. So don’t be scared of my restlessness, my anxiety or my stubborn ways. 

I have not lost my way, just making my own.