For most of us girls, real life just doesn’t cut it. We love daydreaming about those perfect characters we encounter in books, movies and pop culture. But even the romantic escapades we conjure up in our heads are bound to end in disasters when it comes to these drool-worthy douchebags.
Here is a handy list of fictional hotties you must steer clear of.
1. Name: Christian GreyFrom: 50 Shades of GreyTraits: Borderline abusive
Hiding under the garb of being a brooding hottie, Mr Grey is kink personified. He harbors serious mommy issues, and is ridiculously obsessive. Seriously, what healthy relationship kick starts with signing a contract?
2. Name: Ramsay BoltonFrom: Game of ThronesTraits: Biggest a**hole EVER
Undoubtedly the most hated character on Game of Thrones, Roose Bolton’s bastard son is a nasty little sadist. Don’t get hooked to that piercing gaze, ladies! Ramsay Bolton takes pride in disembowelment and indulges in the most brutal kind of BDSM in the bedroom.
3. Name: Jean-Baptiste GrenouilleFrom: Perfume- The Story of a MurdererTraits: *Creepy alert*
Grenouille is a perfume apprentice in 18th-century France who, born with no body scent himself, begins to stalk and murder virgins in search of that perfect fragrance.So, even though he might sweep you off of your feet with that body that spells poetry and those nimble fingers, you MUST stay away!
4. Name: Hamlet From: HamletTraits: Dark, contemplative and suicidal. That last bit is a tad scary, isn’t it?
Shakespeare’s powerful protagonist sure is one troubled individual. His words often indicate his disgust with and distrust of women in general. There’s no doubt that he would be an absolute pain in the a** to date.
5. Name: Chuck BassFrom: Gossip GirlTraits: Upper East Side’s resident bad boy is infamous for being a ruthless casanova.
From sleeping with literally every girl in school, and even attempting to rape Little Jenny, Chuck Bass is a dormant monster on the inside. Even though he turns over a new leaf, it is only and only for Blair Waldorf. Are you Blair Waldorf? No? Then you should most definitely steer clear of him.
6. Name: Jon SnowFrom: Game of ThronesTraits:This one takes the saying ‘Bros before hoes’ way too seriously.
While he is going to make your ovaries explode with his awesomeness, he is guaranteed to leave you brokenhearted – and dead – no matter how feisty you are. He deserts you for ‘brothers’ who later stab him to death. *Points and laughs*
7. Name: Captain Jack SparrowFrom: Pirates of the CaribbeanTraits: This man is basically raving mad.
His funny quips and mannerisms might make you swoon, but there is every possibility that he is going to leave you stranded on a tropical island, being chased by an army of cannibalistic natives. Plus, he will steal all of your eyeliner. And rum.
8. Name: Joffrey BaratheonFrom: Game of ThronesTraits: Hands down the worst of the Lannister breed,sets everyone’s blood boiling without even moving a muscle.
This little bastard (quite literally) is an evil incarnate. He enjoys shooting arrows at prostitutes while he’s not out torturing animals in his spare time. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who broke into hysterical laughter at the sight of him choking to death.
9. Name: Mr WickhamFrom: Pride and PrejudiceTraits: Charming, but a douchebag.
This wicked little hottie will try to sweet talk his way into your pants, but let me warn you in advance, Wickham is an ill-mannered conman with a penchant for seducing underage women. Yikes!
10. Name: John TuckerFrom: John Tucker Must DieTraits: Three-timing jock.
Cheating little shits like him deserve to die! While he might be absolutely dreamy with his cute dimples and those perfect abs, girl, you deserve so much better than this three-timing jock.
11. Name: HulkFrom: The AvengersTraits: Hulk angry. Hulk smash. Girlfriend dead.
While it would be a ball to romance Bruce Banner, this perfect match is bound to have a premature ending. You cannot control external forces which might set off the green monster. Bad idea!
12. Name: The DoctorFrom: Doctor WhoTraits: Will desert you
How we love you Doctor! You’re perfect. Oh, so perfect! You go ahead and let us bask in your awesomeness, and then disappear into your adventures through the space-time continuum, leaving us in a limbo. Why, Doctor, Why?
13. Name: Alex deLargeFrom: A Clockwork OrangeTraits: The very sight of him is bound to send shivers down your spine, and NOT in a good way.
This fake eyelashes-wearing, bowler-hat donning sociopath from A Clockwork Orange would freak the hell out of even the more twisted ones amongst us. The acts of brutality Alex commits will make your skin crawl.
14. Name: Edward CullenFrom: The Twilight SagaTraits: Sparkles in the sunlight
He likes smelling people (what even?), is a legit stalker, and personally the whole I-like-watching-you-while-you-sleep thing makes me very, very uncomfortable. Plus, he sparkles in the sunlight…
15. Name: Raj KoothrappaliFrom: The Big Bang TheoryTraits: Falls flat when it comes to the romance game.
Do you really want to date someone who dresses himself in patterned sweaters every single day of the week, and cannot have a conversation with you without being drunk first? Didn’t think so.