Ranveer Singh will be visiting Mumbai Police for his infamous bum photoshoot. TBH, it’s not that big a deal but you couldn’t really see anything in that picture, so this is literally just a speculation. As are all the points here. Have fun scrolling. 

1. Did you take permission from your wife before the photoshoot? 

Look, we know most of us in this country, world, don’t think of women are human beings. But they are. Sshhh, I’ll hear no arguments, they are people. With less rights, and happiness and all that but they are still people and when you marry one, you gotta ask, bro. And I know what our law says about asking your wife for permission but you still gotta ask. 


2. Mummy papa allow kar dete hain ye sab karne? 

Mummy papa’s permission is important, of course. This is India. Where are your sanskars, my dude! Only your dad can walk around the house in minimal clothing, alright? See, once you become a dad, society allows you to be less responsible. 


3. Thand mein problem nahi hoti? Matlab conscious nahi hote? Performance anxiety? 

Genuine question hai boss. TBH, we Indians are not known for our machinery. So, you know, stripping is an issue, especially in front of people. And balls shrinking in the cold is a real problem. Also, the thing with the wang is that you can be conscious about it. No shame in it.


4. Closed set hota hai? Like, how many people are there? Does nobody laugh? 

TBH, this is out of genuine curiosity. No jokes here, I swear. 


5. Bro, do you want to read what she wrote in the f**king F.I.R? 

For real, why should they suffer alone? I mean, I get why? I mean, they are essentially uniformed and armed to ensure any system of establishment stays in power and no real change ever takes place but this is not The Guardian. Tum log kya revolutionary ideas expect kar rahe ho idhar LOL

6. Sir aapne wo Hugh Jackman Ki X-Men: Days of The Future Past dekhi hai? Unki body better thi sir, by god!

Bro bro bro… I am not saying this, I am suggesting Mumbai police might say this. I am just saying…

7. Kya sir, kabhi FIR wagera karwane bhi aao, aapke to wife ko death threats milte rehte hain! But you only come here as the accused. 


8. Chai coffee, kuch?

Ye to basic hai. Mehman nawazi is in our culture, or have you guys forgotten that? Isn’t that why this whole FIR thing began to start with- Culture? 

9. Sir, petrol is like Rs 105 now. Were you protesting for that? 

Hehe. We are not supposed to say this. See you on the other side, fellas. Just kidding. There’s no other side. 


10. Can we get a selfie, sir? 

This happens. I mean, come on. If Ranveer Singh came to your office, no matter what reason it is for, you are gonna ask for an autograph. 


11. Are you getting worried? Chill, we are not Delhi police. 

Oh, we went there again. Wow, that’s 3 in one article. Life without freedom is no life but this might also mean, I won’t have it for long. So let the paradox function as it was intended to. 

12. Sir, do you think the case on you is a case of angoor khatte hain

Legit question. You all have been thinking this, but you won’t say it. Except me. Cos, let’s be honest, if you have read all the points, you know, we are past the phrase of giving a rat’s ass. 

Well, none of this will happen. But you know, in the multiverse, there is an Earth where Ranveer will be asked all the questions I wrote here and I will be called a f**king prophet there. Oh, you don’t think this is funny? Neither is The Big Bang Theory without laugh tracks, but you guys eat that shit up like maa ke haath ka khana. So you know, jaisi audience waisa content. Toodles…