Before we begin, please note that this account has not been verified. However, General Hameed Gul is real.
The Internet, and Twitter specifically, can be a beautiful place. And it can also be a festering pus-filled boiling pot of hate. And in one of our escapades, we found a Twitter account by the name of General Hameed Gul.
For the uninitiated (which until recently, included ourselves), General Hameed Gul is a retired officer of the Pakistan army, and former Director-General of the ISI.
Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s get to the point of the article; his Twitter account.
Being the ISI Chief from the late 80s, we figured he’s seen things some of us could only imagine.
The defeat of mighty Soviet Union by Pakistan is the biggest war defeat this world has seen. Even bigger than the defeats of World Wars.— Gen Hameed Gul (@GenHameedGul) August 1, 2015
Evidently, that’s true.
Mikhail Gorbachev,the last general-secretary of Soviet Union literally begged Gen. Zia-Ul-Haq to stop further disintegration of Soviet Union— Gen Hameed Gul (@GenHameedGul) August 1, 2015
Easy on the sheesha there, General.
Gen. Zia-Ul-Haq finally decided to stop further disintegration of Soviet Union else there would have been 5+ more independent countries— Gen Hameed Gul (@GenHameedGul) August 1, 2015
Apparently, half of Asia and a bit of Europe owe their existence to Pakistan.
And to Moldavia, Azerbaijan & Georgia.— Gen Hameed Gul (@GenHameedGul) July 27, 2015
As does the soon-to-be-created Canadian Republic Of Really Far West Pakistan:
I am happy to know that Pakistanis in Alberta & British Columbia states of Canada are actively involved in their separatist movements…— Gen Hameed Gul (@GenHameedGul) August 1, 2015
His take on history doesn’t just stop at Cold War. He goes waaaaaaay back.
Pakistanis are ancestors of Indians since the oldest Harappa & Mohenjo-daro civilizations are in Pakistan. A fact that Indians don’t accept— Gen Hameed Gul (@GenHameedGul) August 1, 2015
But our General isn’t just a history buff. He is a man of many hats and has an opinion on almost everything.
Sunny Leone is another poor Sikh girl in US who joined porn industry. Proves my point that Sikhs are economically backward in North America— Gen Hameed Gul (@GenHameedGul) August 1, 2015
And I’ve seen a lot of things, but I’ve never seen someone go to Canada to become a truck.
My visit to Canada in 2011 revealed majority of Sikhs are Trucks, Cab drivers ,security guards or cleaning washrooms. #Shame— Gen Hameed Gul (@GenHameedGul) July 31, 2015
His Twitter feed is peppered with gems like this:
Kohinoor diamond belongs to Pakistan & not India. Britain should not even think of giving to India. We will retaliate with full force.— Gen Hameed Gul (@GenHameedGul) August 3, 2015
Kripiya apne nuclear missiles stand-by mode par lagayiye.
Our current missiles can hit any corner of India. And yes, nuclear weapons should always be in standby mode. https://t.co/ON2Vh8zelB— Gen Hameed Gul (@GenHameedGul) July 31, 2015
Although to be fair, he does have good taste in music.
Listening to ‘ I won’t back down ‘ by Tom Petty. My fav. song. Well done @tompetty— Gen Hameed Gul (@GenHameedGul) August 1, 2015
Listening to ‘One’ by U2 Another relaxing song … Well done @U2— Gen Hameed Gul (@GenHameedGul) August 1, 2015
Wait, what’s this crap? He thanked everyone but John Mayer? What, is he not good enough for you?!
Listening to ‘ Wildfire ‘ by John Mayer relaxing song …— Gen Hameed Gul (@GenHameedGul) August 1, 2015
And like we mentioned before, he isn’t verified, but that hasn’t stopped him from gaining the attention of celebrities on our side of the border.
You need a kick up your….even to think about it Gul. People like you destroy the love we have for each other. Sad. https://t.co/PrZPzB9HMY— rishi kapoor (@chintskap) August 1, 2015
This @GenHameedGul makes Sanjay Jha look intelligent. No wonder Pakistan is in the state it is in. Stand up comics in their army. Dolts.— SUHEL SETH (@suhelseth) August 1, 2015
And whether this is the real General or not, we’re sure he’s not going to stop, because like his profile says: