Everyone has secrets. Some are big, some are small, some make us feel guilty, and some are just hurtful. It's for a range of reasons that we keep secrets: to save a relationship, to protect your loved ones, or simply because you don't trust someone enough to open up. They can be a pain to deal with.
You can sometimes tell random strangers something you can't tell your closest friends. And for some users, one Reddit thread helped them do just that, as they revealed their secrets they could never tell anyone.
Trigger Warning: Some of these events contain instances of sexual abuse and suicide. Reader discretion is advised.
1. "The real reason I was discharged from the army was that I was raped and wasn't able to tough it out. I always just tell my bros that I hurt my head or something."
2. "I was on mushrooms, the special kind, when my mother killed herself. I spent the night surrounded by the police in the hospital, and it has always really fucked me up. I thought about creating a throwaway to make this post, but fuck it."
3. "I can't remember how old I was. It was the dial-up internet era. I am now 29. But we received a phone call. I'm not sure if I was home alone or why I answered it. But a man called and explained to me that my dad had an affair with his wife. I hung up and never told anyone except my therapist about a year ago. It has not bothered me much tbh, but it was a weird experience."
4. "I didn't know my best friend's name for almost 10 years. She goes by Katie almost exclusively and I got it in my head early on that it was short for Katelyn... imagine my surprise when I heard her being referred to as 'Kathryn' at our convocation. No right way to bring that one up in a conversation."
5. "Cleaning out my brothers office after he died. He was a lawyer, as was my dad and his wife. I found a notice of disbarment from the Board of Bar Overseers. I grabbed it and shredded it and never let any family known. I contacted BBO and let them know of his death and it wasn't published."
6. "That I hate my father. He's a useless piece of shit who has contributed nothing to this family aside from mental trauma and constant medical debts. He loves us, he really does, but I've never felt connected to him. He was a severe alcoholic when I was a child, which improved after I reached adulthood, and all this hassle of constant in and out of the hospital is starting to feel like it is not worth it. If he were to let go now, I still wouldn't feel a thing. It's hard for people to understand why I'm not bothered by his declining health and I always come out as a bitter and awful person."
7. "I’m not a boy. Nobody will read this, so I can just throw it out here. I’m not a dude. I lived as a dude for 26 years and only recently realised that I’m not a man. I’ve never identified with male things. I’ve always wanted to be a girl. I always liked dresses, even though I don’t have the confidence to wear them. I like makeup. And I’m fucking frustrated. I will forever be trapped in this ugly man-dude thing and never be who I am. I can’t come out to my family and my country is horrible at healthcare and I don’t have the money to DIY hormones or something."
8. "I don’t feel safe around my brother. He is inappropriate with me. He forcefully hugs me and tries to kiss me on the mouth. He also gives me creepy compliments about how pretty I am. And he constantly talks about my boobs. My parents work full time, so he is the one that drives me to my bus stop, and he always rubs my thigh while saying something creepy like, "You know, I would hurt anyone if they touched you" while in the car. I feel so trapped."
9. "When I was 8, my older brother repeatedly sexually assaulted me a few times a year till I was 13. When I was 12, my little brother tried to do the same. My parents think I have a lot of mental illness because I’m just weak. I have a lot of mental illness because my parents failed to protect me."
10. "When I was younger, I wished death upon my grandpa (father's side). He made me extremely uncomfortable as he was a little too obsessed with my appearance, and as I got older, I realized he was an anti-LGBT Republican (I'm trans) and also seriously fucked my dad up."
11. "I once hit a man in Dearborn, Michigan. A hit and run. I hit him and just kept on going. I don't know if he's alive or dead... but I'm sorry. Not a day goes by that I don't see his face. "
12. "I stopped talking to a friend who was sleeping with her boss and cheating on her partner. She's now married with two kids with him, the partner, not the boss. Stuff like this is why I don't think I'll ever truly trust anyone. She was friends with my ex, who took her life 10 years ago, which is why I never said anything even though I wanted to."
13. "Had a late abortion because of medical issues in the 25th week. I am kind of happy that I got a diagnosis that showed that my little girl couldn’t survive without machines. I don’t know if I would have been strong enough to give a disabled child a happy and beautiful life where she wouldn’t get bullied or something."
If you or someone you know are suffering from depression, experiencing suicidal thoughts, or just need someone to talk to, remember that help is just a phone call away. Reach out to the following helplines in India. BMC mental health helpline: 022-24131212 (available 24X7), Vandrevala Foundation: 186-02662345/180-02333330 (24x7) or AASRA: 91-9820466726 (available 24X7).