Those of us that haven’t had the chance to live with our romantic partners before marriage have often wondered (I have, at least) what the realities of live-in relationships in India are. I mean, American pop culture sure paints a rosy picture of the concept, but how exactly does it play out, desi style?

Someone asked on Quora what it’s like to be in a live-in relationship in India and they have answers from first-hand experience, and it really is illuminating.

“For the two landlords over those 12 months, we were a married couple. Maybe it wouldn’t have been an issue, but just didn’t want to risk it.

“I practically live with my boyfriend” and every time someone hears these words, they imagine monkey sex every time couple hit their room but living with your partner is much more than that. Once you start living with your boyfriend, you have more than just physical intimacy, there are nights when you wake up in his arms and then there are nights when he is scrolling down his emails.

“You never feel tired, you know that you live far away from your family, and you miss them, feel lonely but to be in a live-in relationship all these things have vanish. When you leave your office, you are excited to go home and hug your partner, you go for a night out without any restrictions.

“Do not get into live-in immediately after entering a relationship. Take sometime to know and understand each other thoroughly. In our case, we moved in together after 2+ years of relationship. Even moving in together is a big step and both of you should really want to do it. Else, it is not going to work.

“It’s all about growing as a couple, learning about each other, and never giving up on each other. It’s basically the ‘WE NOT ME’ thumb rule which takes any relationship forward. Though not illegal, but in some countries like India it’s considered to be socially and morally improper still. Though the rate of acceptance is now increasing but a large part of the society is yet to come to terms with it. But then we all need to change and improve ourselves with time don’t we?”

“Both of us are working and in our mid twenties. Its been more than one year and we haven’t faced any issues in Pune. From the safety point of view, it is of utmost importance to choose the society carefully, not too family oriented and a progressive society would be advisable. It is better to lie to the landlord & project yourselves as a married couple. Also, try to maintain zero communication with the families around you, they can get nosy. Avoid doing anything to attract attention. Eg. loud late night parties.”

“‘Live-In’ mentality pretty much varies place to place in India. In big cities like Delhi, Mumbai etc, its not much of a hassle in the terms of what people will think, what reactions you get from them and everything.

“It was more out of necessity as both of us are working with good jobs and needed each others companionship and support. We told our landlord, who was very conservative, that we are married.

“With the costs of big fat weddings, soaring up, it is a good Idea. Suppose you spend lakhs of rupees in marriage ceremony and find out that you are so incompatible that divorce is the only way, to end your misery. You can easily separate after a ‘live-in’. Divorces are very messy and time consuming.

“I have been living with my boyfriend for five months now, and honestly it does not really make any difference. My landlord looks at me as if I am some fallen women, but hey that is not new. People do that when I go to discs and even when I am stoned.I live in a slightly rural locale in Delhi so all the housewives and shopkeepers they give me a look of, you are a disgrace to society and all.

“Indian girls are not prepared for live-in. They can only think about marriage and babies after sex. They treat you more as husband than a boyfriend. they want you to be wise like an old ass but they want freedom to do shits. They don’t have any interesting habit but will join you in every steps (personal space sucks here!). If their life is not happening than you’re responsible for it. Become a joker and entertain her, this is their expectations. Sex is an art of satisfaction, learn some tricks of keep things live and cracking. They think that they are the GETTER and not GIVER. Even we deserve some pleasure. Stop blaming society and culture. We are not prepared for it.”

Well, live-in may not all be roses and butterflies, but if you’re with the right person, it may be well worth the fight. And thanks to Quora, you now know exactly what you’d be signing up for.

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