I attended your virtual Yoga sessions. I bid online farewell to my colleagues whom I despised from every inch of my body. I even turned on my camera for the Monday morning meetings despite I looked like a filthy sloth bear. All this was to convince my boss that I am as active working from home as I would be in the office. But now you’re planning to reboot the WFO culture because a cesspool of extroverted idiots cried they love the grind? Insaan ho ya mixer?

I wasn’t a chest-thumping fan of working from home back in 2020. I mean, the only space that was an escape from the office literally turned into my office!? Working from home became living at work and I wasn’t happy about this. But when I discovered the rent of a 1BHK, I realised that cutting my right arm off was easier than finding an affordable rental house near to the office. And you know, my parents are way more bearable than a khoosat landlord.

Okay, those who claim that working from the office is better than that from home should try finding a rickshaw at 9 am….in the monsoon. I really can’t believe we waited for a pandemic to infuse the WFH idea into our tiny brains when every year monsoon caused troubles only to make us realise the exact same thing!

This isn’t the first time your HR sent across an email asking about our opinions on reopening the office (which didn’t shake their decision anyway). But every time the pandemic resurrected and rescued us. But not anymore. Genuinely, everyone has gone out of fucks to offer. So, the WFH clan now is the time you riot!

Tell me, what do you exactly miss? The fuel-guzzling commute, the horn-blaring of autos, or sharing ‘traffucked’-captioned stories to look cool? First of all, that’s so 2013. Second of all, ew.

Okay, you’ve listed your reasons. While working from the office, you may pick up tips from your seniors, don’t have to wait for days to get approvals, get feedback right away, and blah blah blah. Remember no matter how much perfume you spray, trash still stinks. 

It’s like going back to your toxic ex right after months of therapy. 

Oh, and you’re the one who signed up for the ‘hybrid’ culture right? I just have on question for you: Kya ukhaad liya bhai? You literally did the same job by exerting twice as much energy as others, maybe thrice. 

Wait, did I just hear that you like chatting with your colleagues at work? Seriously? If you really like it then why don’t you just try talking to your parents for a change? I’m sure they’re good people. Or like get married or something? Why screw us for your hobbies, man?

Bosses give nefarious reasons to summon their employees back to the office and then wonder why they are receiving death stares. So, they claim ideas are churned out better when employees ditch zoom calls and meet in person. But sir, ideas are like farts, if you force them they’re probably shit. Give us our space, and that’s only possible at home. 

Taniya: 01 Boss: 00

The subscribers of the hustle culture might feel that WFH lovers simply throw tantrums like a teething toddler when asked to leave the comfort of their bedrooms. But, we have equally compelling reasons to prove our point. Squandering time and money isn’t wise, so WFH saves both. Plus bumping into coworkers who look like an arthritic dog nearing the end of life isn’t really my vibe early morning. And hello? Have you ever looked at the petrol prices?

As we draw the WFH culture to a close, I would like to brand my laziness as a minimalistic approach and ask you to respectfully FUCK OFF. Oh, and I am being incredibly generous by calling myself lazy because so don’t you dare repeat it!