Picture this: you’re with your friends at a house party, when the host comes to you and sees your drink-less hand, and offers you a chilled beer. You politely decline, and ask for something else. But then host asks, “Have the beer yaar, it’s good stuff.” Then you utter the three words that make you some type of alcohol outcast.
I hate beer.
There, I said it: I hate beer. I despise it. And I do not understand how or why it has become the most socially acceptable and readily available form of alcohol around. Because it tastes horrendous.
All you beer connoisseurs will flock around me telling me “You’ve just been having shitty beers, you need to try better ones” or “It’s an acquired taste, you need to try more!” Let me tell you, I have had all kinds of beers: wheat, stout, pale ale, lager, fruit beer, root beer, beer cocktails and all kinds of brands. The only taste I have acquired is the taste of utter disdain.
Frankly, the only type of beer I do fancy is beer pong, and only if I don’t have to drink the beers that I pong.
Now before all you lovely readers decide to hound me, I am here to speak on behalf of those like me, hidden in plain sight, also hating on beer. A small section of party-goers who just cannot stomach this carbonated version of mud, yet are forced to drink it because nothing else is available. Or because it is the cheapest.
It’s not like I do not like alcohol at all – in fact, I like all kinds of alcohol. Except for beer. Not that shit. I have tried time and again to develop a taste for, just to not feel out of place at parties. Especially during college, everyone around you is chugging beers, you just can’t escape it. Oh, how I envy you people drinking beer like it is nectar straight from God’s personal pond.
Y’all can argue for beer all you want, I’m still going to hold my ground. It tastes really bad. The aftertaste is worse. It smells rancid. It lingers too. And don’t even get me started on that beer belly.
So all we do is go to parties and stay sober; go out to bars and spend twice the amount of money for mixed liquors or cocktails; or we just have coke. Either way, the party-going world is geared against us, cornering us to drink beer. But you know what do we say to beer?