When relationships fall apart, it’s only natural to wonder what truly went wrong and led to their demise. In fact, sometimes it takes years for us to gain clarity about past connections. What can help, though, is learning from others’ experiences.
So when we found this Reddit thread where people revealed the reason their previous relationship didn’t work out, we thought it could be a good source of learning and insight for all of us. Let’s take a look, shall we?
1. I grew up. He didn’t.
2. He decided to throw away our 10 year marriage and 2 young children for a chance at happiness with someone 10 years younger than me (almost 20 years younger than him). Plot twist: he had never met her and she ended up being a catfish. I wish I was making this up.
3. He quit his job and had no interest in getting another one. He still expected me to do all the household chores, on top of my full-time job. He left trash lying around literally 5 steps from the trash can. He pressured me into sex after I came home exhausted from work, when he just watched TV all day. He’s probably not the reason I’m asexual now, but it certainly didn’t help.
4. I realised we should’ve been best friends and not boyfriend/girlfriend. We had both fallen out of love.
5. My fault entirely. I had and still have severe anxiety of long-term commitment.
6. He didn’t have much emotional intelligence and hence there was no emotional connection. It was like having a relationship with a wall, and I was so unfulfilled and miserable with boredom.
7. Midlife: He decided being married & a dad was less fun then bar hopping and messing with women half his age.
8. I realized I was never going to have the life I wanted if I stayed with him.
9. I wanted a happy, loving and secure family unit, and every time we got into an argument he’d threaten to break up with me. He refused to let me work, wouldn’t maintain my vehicle and isolated me from everyone so I had no support system. When I finally decided to leave, I was homeless, but 7 months later, I’m doing extremely well without him. It eats him alive!
10. We love each other a lot but we will never be able to make each other truly happy because we want such different futures. I feel like I never want to date again.
11. He cheated a week before we were going to get married.
12. I saw very quickly how immature he was. Did not want to be put in the role of some guy’s mother again. No more of that!
13. His feelings changed. I could sense him growing distant, but he insisted it was just stress. After a year of this, I finally, point blank told him I felt like he’d withdrawn from the relationship and it wasn’t fair to me to keep investing my time and mental/emotional bandwidth in him when he wasn’t doing the same. He admitted that he didn’t have romantic feelings for me anymore, but he was afraid to tell me because he didn’t want our friendship to end. I was obviously hurt, mostly because I felt like he didn’t trust me to handle that transition like an adult. We’re still friends, but I admit, I do keep him at arm’s length. I also predict that if/when his next relationship fizzles out, he’s going to try to rekindle things with me. Which isn’t going to happen.
14. He was an avoidant and it made me more anxious. It turned into cycles of pushing and pulling and it made us fucking miserable. Then he cheated and broke up with me. Every relationship had its issues, but if it feels like a lot of work most of the time and you’re tired constantly, it’s probably not worth it. Get a puppy, it’s much more fun!
15. My ex is an awesome person but he’s very contained and methodical whereas I enjoy a more adventurous life. Not like I jump out of airplanes or anything, but I seem to need more spontaneity. We still love each other and co-parent our son well, but we decided we were not a good match in marriage.
When it isn’t right, it just isn’t right.