It isn’t always easy being our true selves, in a society like ours.
Especially, if you don’t fall into the narrow, approved “standards” of what society deems acceptable. We’re surrounded by people who are so obsessed with other people’s lives that they hardly have their own. From judging others for their choices to cracking mean jokes, they’re always ready to interfere. This also includes joking about someone else’s appearance. And sadly, fat-shaming tops the list – where people think that making a remark on a person’s body and size is funny. 

While, it’s impossible to spot the punchline in their jokes, it’s not very difficult to spot such people – they are usually disguised as well-wishers. So, if you see a ‘well-wisher’ who thinks commenting on your body is funny, mudho aur bhaag jao.

On other days, when you’d like to leave them speechless, here are some comebacks that’d help:

1. “You’re cute like a teddy bear, but if you lost weight, you’ll be beautiful.” 

– No, I’m not a teddy bear. But you my friend, are definitely made of plastic.

2. “You’re so big, does that mean that you have a big heart too?”

– You know, at least I’ve a big heart. Unlike your tiny motor that’s just there to pump blood. 

3. “I’m so scared of pissing you off. What if you sit on me?” 

– Haha, no I’m not going to sit on you. But before you open your mouth the next time, know that I CAN sit on you. 

4. “Losing weight will help you gain some confidence.” 

– I like my body, but I’m sad that you’ve to pretend to like a person as shallow as yourself. 

5. “Tu matt chal, thak jayegi.”

– I don’t get tired so easily. But, all this interference in other people’s life – tum toh exhaust ho jaate hoge?

6. “You basically never eat alone na? You’ve to order for two anyway.”

– Yes, I like to eat! And at least, I pay for my own food, much like people would pay you to shut up.

7. “Maybe drop some weight. You can then wear anything.”

– I may or may not drop the weight, but you certainly dropped perspective and decency somewhere.

8. “You’ve gained some weight during the pandemic. Ate a lot?”

– Oh, thank you for telling me about my body. Maine apna size kabhi notice hi nahi kiya tha – ghar par chhod ke aati hu na body ko.

9. “Let’s talk about the elephant in the room. Haha, not you.”

– It must be sad, right? Living with all these useless thoughts and unfunny jokes.

10. “Tu toh lunch bhi do baar karti hogi?”

Aur tum ek hi joke kitni baar repeat karoge till you realize it’s not funny?

11. “It looks like you’ve ordered for all of us.”

– Yes, I ordered for all of us. Now why don’t you pay for all of us?

12. “You should start losing the weight. Otherwise, it’ll be difficult finding a match.”

Yehi toh plan tha, aap bhi join karlo saath mein.

13. “There’s news about the earthquake. Was it you?”

– No, the Earth crumbled under the weight of your sad jokes.

14. “Yeh food delivery apps ka aadha buisness toh teri wajah se hai.”

Aadmi ka kartavya hai madad karna.

15. “You’ve gained a lot since the last time we met.”

– Since we’re stating facts about bodies. It looks like your brain left yours.

Breaking News: Fat-shaming isn’t funny, but offensive.