You fall head over heels in love with this beautiful, wonderful person. You both have the most amazing time and feel this enticing warmth in their arms, breathing slowly, almost at peace. To add to it, the sex is amazing, both of you are on the same page, and things look like they’re straight out of a movie. But then, just like that, things go south, like they always do. You try and try some more, but you just can’t keep it up anymore.
And unwillingly and sadly, you decide to break up.
The pangs of a broken relationship are hard to bear. It feels like slow torture every time you miss them. You either cry for days altogether, or are super pissed that it ended. Either way, it can be difficult. But slowly, you get used to the idea of that special one not being there anymore.
Then one fine day, the ex comes waltzing back into your life. A ‘hi’ here, a hello there, a secret rendezvous to relive those sweet memories, and break up sex in the guise of closure; all of it gives your heart hope and you decide to go with the flow because somewhere or the other, you still miss them and feel for them. A few nights and a drunken phone call later, you get to know that they want to meet again, and possibly take things back to how they were.
This is where you need to take a step back. What they show you is exactly what you have been wanting to see, but is this what you need? Not so much.
Getting back with your ex can be a tricky situation, because:
They might not be the same person you fell in love with.
Or worse, they still might be the same person.
Change is inevitable, and no matter who broke up with whom, a break up changes people in ways you can’t fathom. It might be possible for you to forget all the cruel words spoken in the heat of the moment, but you might not be able to digest this new person that they’ve become.
Consider the reasons why you broke up
Sometimes horrible things can cause a break up; she/he cheated, lied or was abusive. If any of these are the reasons you broke up with your ex, chances are that they will continue to do so, because for them, you’ll always be that vulnerable person. Nothing stopped them the first time, so what makes you think that they’ll not do it the second time around? So instead of getting back with them, hold on and reconsider your decision.
After all, you deserve better.
It’s only human to miss them when you’re sleeping alone but you need to look out for yourself first. That’s the person you’ll be getting up with every day.
Memories are like tiny insects that come crawling out in the darkest of times. You’ll miss your ex when you see somebody else hugging, when you find an old photograph hidden away with a bunch of random things, or when you hear ‘your’ song playing on the speakers.
You will be tempted to fall back right in that moment, but refrain from doing so. Give yourself time to recuperate, and make a decision based on practicality and not emotions. I know it’s the hardest thing to do, but always look out for yourself. That’s the person you’ll be getting up with every day.
Your feelings might be temporary, so don’t take the plunge so quick
Before you jump back in again, you need to know why you want to get back together. You might still love your ex, you might miss them terribly, or you might still treasure all the beautiful memories you had. But it’s certainly not a sign that you should get back with your ex right away. By far, it’s just proof that you’re a normal human being with feelings.
So cut, slice, dissect every reason why you want to get back with your ex. If it’s just because you miss the awesome sex you had, or because you miss having them around, it’s probably not a solid foundation to start a relationship on.
Don’t think you can fix the relationship or your partner
If your relationship needed fixing or needs fixing, then trust me, it’s not worth it. Why would you ever want to go back to a relationship that has a need to be fixed, anyway? True, relationships require work, but it is doomed if you have to ‘fix’ the significant other.
While there might be a hundred and more reasons to not get back with your ex, if you still love that person and have hope, here’s what you should be ready for:
Assuming that things weren’t that bad, you and your ex might be that wonderful exception that we all like to be. If your break up was mutual, for reasons or situations you could not have helped, then there are pretty decent chances that you might be able to make things work if things are in your favour the second time.