The perfect guy may or may not exist, but I don’t want to look for him anymore.
I have imagined conversations with this ‘dream’ boyfriend, the one who I’ve made up in my head since the time hormones kicked in, but I realize now that I actually don’t want him!
He won’t ever be my equal!
I have already considered him my superior by placing him in a ‘dreams come true’ category. But I do not want to put someone up on a pedestal and be in awe of him for the rest of my life, forever scared to lose him.
I don’t want to be too scared to talk to him.
Tongue-tied and conscious the entire time I am around him, scared to really say what was on my mind, because what if he doesn’t find it cool enough or funny enough?!?
I don’t want to be judged!
He is so suave and put together that what if he judges me when out of nervousness, I accidentally mix my tenses and confuse my words, spill wine or drop that knife!
I certainly don’t want to change the way I look!
Forever taking extra care to dress myself up, though I prefer to roll out of bed and enter the office because I am comfortable that way.
I don’t want to miss out on enjoying physical intimacy.
Never letting him know the kisses that I like, because he is obviously much better at it than I, with my limited experience, am!
I don’t want to give up my comfort zone to be with someone who makes me feel inadequate all the fucking time.
I don’t believe I am perfect. I have flaws that are hard to hide, and scars that don’t show but affect everything. And I want someone equally real. Real enough to have flaws that put us at the same level.
But most importantly, I am willing to experiment and try and experience something with someone, without comparing him to a pre-defined list.
From now onwards, the only quality I am looking for in a man is that he likes me just the way I am. And we make each other happy, in whatever way we do!
It does not have to replicate a list, it just has to be real. And we may not be perfect, but that does not mean that our love story can not be.
It helps if he can surprise me every once in a while though, no pressure!