It’s the same story, day after day, week after week.
A boy and a girl meet. There’s some conversation. They have a few drinks. If there’s enough attraction, numbers are exchanged. What follows is a date. And basis that one date, one meal shared sitting across a table, they decide if they’ve clicked or not. If it’s a yes, they’re in a relationship. If not, they’re back to the grind, looking for someone else.
It really is that simple. One meeting, one conversation should tell you whether you’re compatible with that person or not. Whether you’ll gel with that person or not. Whether there is a possibility of love or not.
Just one meeting. Just one conversation. Because if it is not instant, it isn’t for us, right?
Unfortunately, a bond develops over time. Compatibility happens with time. And time is exactly what we’re unwilling to give.
It’s shown in the movies as love at first sight.
Hero sees the heroine and suddenly, he knows she’s the one. He goes up to her and strikes a conversation. Within minutes, she’s fallen for him. And within a couple of days, they’re dating.
It doesn’t matter if they’ve never known each other before. Not known anything about each other. It’s a film so anything goes in the name of creative liberty, right?
Not in real life though.
Here, you need time to get to know the other person. To understand them. Their thoughts. Emotions, needs and desires. All of which take their own time.
Love at first sight is just a cliche.
You don’t just meet someone and fall for them in an instant. That’s just infatuation. Or, lust. Because love happens. And it happens over time. It takes multiple conversations, sharing innermost thoughts, opening up to someone and seeing their flaws. All of this takes time. It can’t be encapsulated in a date (or two).
Callous decision-making is what’s causing the demise of love in our times. We’re quick to jump to conclusions, in a rush to decide. In times of instant gratification, we even want love to happen in an instant.
Sadly for us, love has its own speed. It takes its own time.
You can’t just decide to have a bond with someone.
Our emotions might belong to us but are rarely in our control. If we could actually decide how to feel at any given point, wouldn’t we perpetually stay happy? Or, satisfied? Or, anything else that we’d like to feel? There wouldn’t be heart-break, sadness or a feeling of loss.
But that’s not how things pan out. That’s not how we operate.
An equation develops over time. It forms once we start to care, when we share. It needs to be nurtured. Like a sapling that needs to be watered. Like a bud that needs to be cared for. Matters of the heart need to be nurtured.
You can’t meet someone, have an in-the-moment attraction and decide to get together.
It’s time you chucked away what’s shown in movies and written in books.
Both literature and cinema romanticize romance. They make it appear a lot more instant. Faster. More aggressive. When in reality, it’s totally different.
Love is not fire. It’s like an ocean.
Calm. Serene. Deep.
And to go deep, you have got to take some time.