Falling out of love with someone is the most horrendous thing to do. How can you just unlove some like that, right? Well, breakups are painful and often bring out the worst side of you. They leave a mark on your soul and make you do things that feel worse later.
So we know it’s hard to forget someone who was the center of attention in your world. But to make things less painful for you, here are some post-breakup mistakes you should never make.
1. First thing first, don’t beg your partner to be with you when things have ended.
It’s hard to give up on something you love so much, but you wouldn’t have been in this place if your partner wanted to work on the relationship.
Once again, GIVE SPACE. I can’t stress this enough. If you dated for a long time she is not going to forget you that fast. My brain told me that she forgot about me and it would make me reach out. Which in turn probably annoyed her.
2. Coming to the closure talk soon.
Sure, one day, you will move on and forgive them. But ask yourself? have you healed? Or the closure talk will only reopen the wounds.
I’m trying to stop myself from doing MOST of these things! I still check his social media still, I have posted little subliminal messages about our break up and I sometimes do look at our pictures. I have THOUGHT about calling him for closure. Sex. And I’ve even thought about driving past his job! UGH. This is so hard. It’s been 2 weeks and I’m still an emotional wreck.
3. Stay away from alcohol or any other kind of drug.
Though you may be shattered, but this temporary high will not help you in the long run. Guess what? you already know this. Try to face the pain and heal.
Eventually, like a year and a half-ish later, I was mostly over her. So keep in mind that it’s going to take some time. You both have spent so much time together that what you did or didn’t do during the breakup isn’t everything and likely won’t be judged as such.
4. Ghost them!
You and I are well aware of how curious we get to know what’s happening in their lives. So stop that social media stalking right there.
Of course, not everybody has the willpower necessary to just avoid visiting an ex’s profile. That’s what the unfriend and block buttons are for. “It’s too hard to get over something if you have access to them.
5. Please don’t isolate or blame yourself for the breakup.
The first thing we do is question everything about ourselves. The way we look, what we say, what we wear, and whatnot.
I got out of a 4-year relationship about 2 years ago and went through a lot of what you’re going through. I sort of accepted her decision that I wasn’t her future and that she needed to experience life more before settling down. Sometimes I thought I should have protested. I didn’t. I told her that I didn’t like her decision but I wasn’t going to make it hard on her.
6. A rebound is not a long-term solution.
You need to give yourself space to heal with the heartbreak.
Just wanted to say, you shouldn’t be doing that stuff for the sole purpose that it increases your chances of her coming back. It doesn’t. You should do those things because you are starting your healing process, you’re starting your self-love process. Not because you still want a chance.
7. Don’t neglect your mental and physical health after a breakup.
It’s hard to even step out of the bed with those swollen red eyes and a heavy heart. But if you neglect your health you will not have the strength to deal with your breakup.
People who start dating right away are in a world of hurt. You don’t love the new person. It’s actually selfish because you’re using them to fill a void. You see them as a band aid to your problems.
8. Don’t jump into friendship quickly!
It takes time to go from love to friends. Just like how it took time to go from friends to love.
Friendship with X can only work once there’s a significant no contact period. 4-6 weeks. Even then I think it’s too soon. I try to wait the year. Contact them then thank my lucky stars they’re an x.
9. Avoid meeting them.
Meeting them is risky. You’ll either see that they’ve moved on/starting to move on when you’re still thinking about them, or that they’re mostly impartial to the whole situation. This will only delay your healing and make you think – “what if there is a chance again?”
10. Stay away from things and memories that remind you of them.
Don’t make a habit of asking mutual friends how your ex is doing/who they’re seeing/where they live now/anything.
If you’re not obsessive and they come up in conversation organically, that’s one thing. If you can’t stop thinking about it and have to ask, don’t.
11. Listen up!
Text them, or check their Facebook Instagram Twitter whatever, just give yourself some time to clear your head.
12. Just don’t.
Convince them to give you another chance. There’s a big chance that they’ve already made up their mind, and no matter how hard you change and try to convince them to give you a second chance, they won’t budge. I’m still hurting over it, years after the fact.
I know it’s easier said than done but maybe avoiding these things will help you deal with your emotions better.