The post got her thinking about how “it’s okay for the man to have sexual partners before he gets married but it isn’t the same for women.” She took to Reddit to discuss that, and like always the internet had the best advice.
“There are many different kinds of people with many different desires, requirements and expectations. There are many, many men who wouldn’t care that you had sex before marriage. You don’t have to be a potential partner to everyone. You just need to be the right girl for one man. Have sex if you want to. Don’t feel bad for wanting it. Don’t feel guilty after doing it. Don’t feel disgusted by your sexual desires. BUT, also don’t shame or look down upon others who want to save themselves for marriage. That is their choice, and that should be respected.” – tomybestself
“Nuance is required in these types of situations. If the man is saving himself for marriage and also wants a partner with similar viewpoints, it’s completely fine. However, it is fairly common for men to have prior experience, but judge women for the same. That’s just hypocritical and misogynistic.” – Apprehensive_Dog_786
“As a dude, this! As long you have no guilt/shame for your actions, we’re good. Nothing should phase you at the end of the day.” – ghrinz
“It’s totally normal to want to have sex or have sex before marriage, as long as the people involved are consenting. Woman or man. That’s it. Marriage is not a license to sex, nor is any physical relationship the only basis to get married. There’s time for all the factors needed for marriage. Enjoy your sex life, but do weigh out the person you are interested in.” – SunSunny07
“In my opinion, everyone has their different preferences. Just look for a partner who has same thinking as yours. Also about “how can someone stay unloved for almost a decade”, I am 21 and a female. I have never dated anyone, it’s just my personal preference and there is nothing wrong with that.” – nishixx
“It’s okay to have sex, of course. But there’s nothing wrong with wanting someone who hasn’t had sex before or has less than X body count. Those are your preferences and you’re allowed to have those, just don’t bash someone because they don’t fit the bill for you. Don’t like someone because they had a certain number of partners before you? Cool, end it and move on. No need to sl*t shame.” – lowershelf
“16F on Aro-Ace spectrum here… Just please don’t lie to the other person if they do ask you about your sexual history. And it’s just a matter of preference… I’d say if you do choose to have premarital sex, please expect that some people might not prefer to be with you. While some people will be okay with it, and that’s all okay! Please don’t expect other people to change their moral code because yours is different…There are different kinds of love as well, sex isn’t the only love out there. What might be love to you may not be love to them, and that’s totally okay. It’s just a matter of personal preferences.” – cosmixdaisy
“The OP said that he hadn’t had sex either, so maybe he also wanted to be with someone who hadn’t had sex either. And that’s perfectly fine… Take it from me: have as much sex as you want. It’s perfectly natural to desire sex. As long as you are safe and do it with people you trust, you’ll be fine. Some people wait until marriage, and that’s fine. But if that’s not what YOU want to do, then don’t do it. And if any potential husbands have a problem with that, then they’re not worth marrying anyway.” – gentle-seal
“Consensual sex between adults is not taboo, if they are free birds… Pados wale uncle kya sochte hai? Wo aadmi aisa sochta hai? Aunty chugli kar rahi thi, etc. are going on since centuries. Just try to be what you wanted to, and do what you like.” – gaurenigma
“You definitely need not get bothered with what other people think. Most of the people in this country live with patriarchal values. And with the kind of conditioning men get, most of them end up being insecure and are not capable of having healthy relationships. But that doesn’t mean you also have to adhere to those values. Society is changing and there are enough people out there who’ll understand and agree with what you think. So keep your head up and keep exploring! – LilHooman
“Premarital sex is a taboo still prevailing in the Indian society. There are many aspects of having sex before marriage. Different people have different opinions. Follow what opinion resonates best with you. Ultimately, your life is your making, through your actions. Nothing is absolutely good and nothing is absolutely bad. Things work out different for different people. So people’s opinion about anything doesn’t matter, if it doesn’t works for you. In case you decide to have it, please make sure to have protection.” – mrin1994
“No need to feel disgusted at all. It’s about choice. If you want to have sex before marriage, it’s fine. If someone wants their partner not to have a gf/bf before marriage that is also fine because that is a boundary they are not willing to break, especially in India, where the culture is pretty different. Have plenty of sex, and marry someone that loves you despite you having premarital sex. But please respect his/her choice of boundary as well.” – Bullishshen
“If you go your whole life trying to justify or pander to people who don’t matter, then you will never be happy. Nobody cares what you do with your life or who you sleep with. If a future prospect is so concerned with your past, then he shouldn’t be a part of your future. Don’t set the bar so low.” – ProfessionalMix9129
“Don’t feel disgusted with yourself. It’s not on you; millennia of patriarchal conditioning and religious dogma have convinced people that dating or sex before marriage is somehow wrong or immoral. Don’t tie your self-worth to your virginity; it’s nothing but a patriarchal construct created to shame women and control their sexuality. Honestly, if anything, you’re better off not attracting attention from the kind of dudes who measure a woman’s worth by her sexual history.” – mrappbrain
Having sex is a choice between two adults and honestly, it should not bother a third party. The only time you need to worry about sex is when it is not done with consent.