There is no concept of discussing 'sex' in Indian households. This basically means that whatever we learn about sex is from our friends, internet, experiences and porn because talking about it at homes is a no-no and it's kind of banned in schools.
Recently a Reddit user wrote a detailed post on things about sex she wished she knew before and how her experiences taught her a lot of useful things.
Here's a few takeaways from her post that's a must-read for everyone in India.
1. Figure out when's the right time to start having sex.
The Reddit user elaborates this further and suggests that one should have sex only when they are prepared both, physically and mentally.
Being nervous is normal. But being unsure or hesitant usually means you need more time. If you are worried/not sure/not turned on, its not going to be as fun as its supposed to.
She further stressed on the importance of having sex with the right person and not because you are pressured into it.
If you are in a relationship and your significant other is pushing you, tell them why you aren't ready. Tell them what you feel inside. Be honest. If they do actually like/love you, they'll wait.
2. Ask for consent no matter where you are in your relationship.
The Reddit user stressed on consent in romance and sex even if it is as small as asking your partner if you can kiss them or hold their hand. If you feel you are ready, it's good to reciprocate your partner's touch. This will make things comfortable for both.
She further elaborates on the importance of talking about the what, where and why.
It's important to talk about WHAT. You need to talk about your limits. What you are okay with and what you aren't. If you are going beyond kisses, WHERE is important (its India you can't and shouldn't do things in public places for your own safety). If you aren't ready - say No! But explain why too!
It's perfectly okay to say no in the middle of a makeout session if you feel scared or uncomfortable.
3. Your first time could be normal or really awkward. It's okay.
Sex and romance is nothing like how they show in movies and porn. Just know that there's nothing wrong in being awkward when you hug for the first time or kiss someone. The Reddit user tells us how her first hug was just patting the guy's back and she felt disgusted during her first kiss. But you know what it's ok.
Your first hug you won't know what to do with your hands. Your first kiss you won't know what to do with your lips and your first home run you wont know what to do with anything.
Every experience could be another learning curve for you and your partner.
4. Sex is nothing like porn and erotic novels.
Body hair, sweating, sore muscles, sore genitals, awkward positions - there's so much more to sex than they show in porn. The Reddit user drops some truth bombs here.
You'll come in 30seconds. You won't come at all. You'll get tired. You'll have to pee in the middle. THAT is what sex is. Your one touch WON'T get your partner moaning.
Talking about shower sex, she says: SHOWER SEX IS A SCAM. Hell yes, it is.
And all those novels that set high expectations, they are just meant to disappoint us later.
Eroticas make you think the moment you touch your partners lips you'll get fireworks in your mind and there will be sunrise in your vagina. And when you don't feel that you'll be disappointed af.
5. Do not rush and give time to foreplay.
Foreplay isn't something you learn in a day or two. It takes time to learn what your partner likes or what turns them on. The Reddit user shared that her first sex experience was crap and next time when she had sex with a person she really liked, her perspective towards sex changed altogether.
Kiss everywhere. Ask them what they like. Ask them HOW they like it. Tell them to instruct you (It's not weird. It can even be a turn on) No question is a stupid question.
6. It's okay to prepare for sex and talking to your partner about it.
Getting naked can be really scary especially when it's your first time. It's normal to have some insecurities but don't let them get to you. Do what makes you feel comfortable. Shave if you do not like body hair and talk to your partner if you have certain preferences. Your partner will understand if you are not being unreasonable.
7. Use condoms during sex and stay safe .
Always follow safe sexual practices. STDs are real and no woman would want to surprise herself with pregnancy. So just use condoms or any other form of contraceptives.
8. Attend to yourself after sex.
The Reddit user lists down a few points to keep in mind after sex. Like make sure you pee to prevent UTIs, it's normal to have a sore vagina or penis just make sure the soreness doesn't last too long.
9. If you are having regretful sexual experiences, you might be with the wrong person.
Touching onto the emotional aspect of sexual experiences the Reddit user tells us some signs of unhealthy sex.
If you have sex for the wrong reasons like feeling lonely or for validation - it drains you emotionally. I've had tinder dates that ended in eventually nakey times but other than the temporary satisfaction of some company and being "validated" it always left me feeling empty inside.
10. It's important to choose a safe place and be aware of your rights.
Moral policing is a thing in India. If you choose to have sex in a hotel room, make sure it's safe and do not go for some cheap place just because you want to save some money.
Abortion is legal in India. So if the unexpected happens and you get pregnant, please do not go to any shady doctor or quacks. Visit a gynaecologist.
You can read the complete thread here.