Sex! Now we have your attention. Sex and its issues have been made a taboo topic because of society’s regressive ideas. But sex education has to be normalised. On this Reddit thread, some sex therapists and other people discussed some of the most common problems regarding sex and gave their solutions on how to solve it. Well, we couldn’t but help share amazing tips that are definitely worth a read:
Clinical psychologist from Germany here – I’ll try to give a serious answer. A lot of problems couples have in bed result from unrealistic ideas about how “good sex” should be. So in that case a little sex ed did the trick.
Sexual dysfunctions (like premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, sexual pain etc.) are the most common problems. The standard treatment for these (if the cause is not biological) is a sort of ‘reprogramming’ of the couple’s sexuality. The convenient thing about this method is, that you can adjust it to almost any sexual dysfunction and every couple’s needs… depending on the dysfunction, specific exercises can be added, for example the start-and-stop technique for premature ejaculation, dialators for vaginismus, or masturbation training for anorgasmia.
I worked with teens only, but the problem I inferred from the way they spoke about sex was that they didn’t feel confident standing up for what they wanted or needed from sex… the girls wanted to have boyfriends and it seemed like they thought that meant having to have sex on the guy’s terms, whatever they were. I encouraged them to demand respect and ask their partner for what they wanted.
Erectile dysfunction in men. Low or no desire in women. For ED you need to rule out physical causes (or address them) then move on to working with anxiety around performance… for women, they need to have a sexual relationship alone, that’s satisfying, before trying to coordinate one with a partner.
I interned at a sex therapy clinic and a common issue was elderly couples bringing the spark back into their sex life. The most common advice I saw given was to stop scheduling sex and initiate whenever passion struck. If there was a physical barrier, such as a lack of lubrication on the lady’s end, or ED, using alternate methods of intimacy was advised.
Abuse is easily the most common issue I observed. Both men and women come in with their partners having endured some sort of sexual abuse in the past that their current sex life triggers. A combination of standard therapy and relationship compromise usually helps this.
All humans are equally insecure about their genitals; what they look like, what they do, how they smell, everything. A good third of the stuff I did was essentially reassuring people that they weren’t abnormal/someone was going to laugh at them when they got naked. The solution? TALK. If you can’t talk about what you’re doing with a partner honestly without fear of mockery/causing offense, you shouldn’t be doing anything with them, if you should be with them at all.
I worked in a Sexual Health Clinic as a para-professional on the way to my M.S.W. degree… I can say that erectile dysfunction was the easier of the diagnoses to resolve.The solution to this is to work backwards to address that this is not about self-esteem and more about overcoming logistics. In order to distract the brain and to induce longevity, a steady commitment to pelvic floor exercises (2-3 minutes per day) seemed to help our clients immensely.
A lot of older men come in requesting Viagra because they want to start dating again; some of them have lost their wives, some of them have had recent divorces. These men haven’t been able to achieve an erection in quite some time. They get nervous when their friends set them up on dates, they believe the new women will not find their impotence attractive, so they think Viagra is the answer. I always inform them of the side effects and tell them to take it easy at first if they aren’t used to having sex.
I am a real sex therapist. I’m not going to share any stories with personal clients (out of respect) but I will share a little bit about what it’s like: People come in, usually people who were virgins for a long time or have had some abuse in the past, with some fear of sex, and some ideas they have been marinating in for years about why it can’t work with them or why they will fail. I deal mostly with men with performance anxiety. They are the most frequent patients and they typically believe they have very severe problems… I recommend meditation before and after each session to all my patients (and also to anyone else, during their free time). It helps you sit through your trauma and kind of reset yourself, keeping you more open to therapy, new experiences, and changing yourself intuitively.
Not saying yes means no. Make sure you have consent. No maybe. If the sex act has a weird name, ask what’s involved before you give consent. If they say you don’t need a condom for any reason, then you need a condom. There is no shortcut to finding your perfect sexual partner. You need to experiment to find out.
NEVER DOUBLE WRAP. You might as well not use a rubber – the friction will cause holes in both. Don’t use flavoured condoms for penetrative sex. They’re better than nothing in a pinch, but you’re pretty much asking for a yeast infection. As romantic as it sounds, never sleep inside you partner/have your partner sleep inside you, if you’re using a condom. Between shifting and shrinking, all that semen will have a nice easy opportunity to work its way up the sides of the rubber.
Learn how to use sex toys. Trust me. Wash your sex toys. And consider using condoms on them. They’ll last longer, and be more hygienic. But wash your goddamned sex toys.The best sex toys are either high-grade silicone, glass, or surgical steel. The latter two are also great for temperature play. Any of these three can be washed in the dishwasher. Never use a silicone lube on a sex toy.
Don’t assume your partner is going to have the same kinks five years from now. People’s tastes change. If you’re a sexy vanilla, don’t be ashamed of it. Most people are, and you’re potentially comparable with the majority of the people on this planet.
Disclaimer: The answers on this thread should not be considered as medical advice. People experiencing sexual health and performance issues should seek professional help.