Disclaimer: This article discusses domestic violence in detail, reader discretion advised.

The conversation around domestic violence is rare, and when it does happen, there are insights that are often missed. For a lot of people, domestic violence means a person physically attacking their partner, and while that is definitely a part of it, there is a lot more to the brutality.

First off, even the threat of physical cruelty counts as domestic violence. One shouldn’t be expected to show “actual scars” to “prove” that they have been a survivor of it.


Secondly, there is mental torture, a part of domestic violence that is criminally under-discussed. Gaslighting and manipulation, both ruin people’s lives and so often, are much harder to identify as compared to physical barbarity.

Now, all of this is bad enough for a survivor, who, if they ever find the courage to speak out, are frequently told, “Why didn’t you leave?”. Well, because it is not easy to leave a relationship. People undermine the courage it takes for a survivor to process that they are being subjected to a form of torture or toxicity, then call it out, and finally, remove themselves from that situation. 

EHS Today

The top reason for this is that manipulators are excellent at pulling their victims back by portraying everything to be their fault. However, not being able to leave can also be attributed to many other psychological factors. 

Here’s a Twitter thread where people discuss these aspects of domestic violence and it’s worth a read.

Another important thing to note is that domestic violence extends beyond romantic relationships. A child could also be subjected to it.

More often than not, the solution for such brutality is medical and/or legal, however, if you know a survivor, hearing them out and believing them will be extremely helpful. Anyone who is made to suffer in a household by another person is a survivor of domestic violence, irrespective of the nature of it.

If you or someone you know is being/has been subjected to domestic violence, here are some resources for help.