Relationships end and they leave us with memories. But apart from memories, they also leave us with valuable lessons that were necessary for us to learn and grow into a better individual. We found a Reddit thread where Redditors discussed the most valuable things they had learnt after the dissolution of a long-term relationship.

We compiled a list of 21 valuable lessons from failed long-term relationships that are good, bad, and even terrifyingly real. Read on to find out more. 

1. “Trust your gut when it comes to red flags. They will try to tell you that you’re imagining it/being oversensitive/unreasonable/deny it ever happened.” – Midnight-Snowflake

2. “Actually, I am not nearly as insecure or painfully flawed as I thought. I was just in the wrong relationship. I realized that the right relationship isn’t going to highlight my flaws or insecurities and make them worse.” – Alternative-Bet232

3. “Love is not all you need. You can love someone and still know you don’t belong together.” – onlytexts

4. “Sometimes it’s better to end it, rather than stay miserable for the sake of your kids.” – pinchpokeowemeacoke

5. “Actions speak louder than words.” – curiositycat2022

6. “Know when to walk away. It’s time to move on when the long-term relationship is no longer serving you or you’re personal growth. Don’t stay in a relationship just because you’ve already invested so much time in the relationship. Also known as the Sunk Cost Fallacy.” – ladderoflove

7. “Never depend on someone else to make you happy. Make sure you’re happy with yourself first. If he shows himself with you just once, whether it is cheating/disrespect or any type of abuse, and you decide to stay, he will show himself again. And again. And again.” – KingJoy79


8. “To be okay with remembering and cherishing the good times we did have together. Even though it fell apart miserably, that doesn’t just erase all the beautiful moments we did have beforehand…That person doesn’t exist anymore and I’ve long mourned his loss, but instead of being angered by his replacement, I relish in the good that once was.” – starrydomi

9. “If he’s not coming to see you as much as you’re going to see him, ask yourself why and pay attention to the answer.” – takethatwizardglick

10. “Don’t beg. Don’t grovel. Don’t chase. If two people aren’t on the same page to communicate, fight, and listen, then it’s not going to end well for the other person who does want to hang on.” – Aggravating_Fail9

11. “Never date someone whose family does not like you or is opposed to the relationship for other reasons. It does not work out, if he is on good terms with his family.” – eatsleepchillrepeat

12. “There’s nothing needy about having needs.” – Ijustwanttobeme17

13. “A therapist once told me, “You were okay before they came, and you will be okay when they leave.” She told me to repeat that to myself every time I started beating myself up about the breakup. I’ve used that quote for over 20 years every time someone enters and then hurtfully left my life.” – Dont_GiveA_Rats_Ass

14. “This seems obvious, but if you find yourself thinking about life without them – in terms of “next time I’m single” or “in my next relationship” or if you find yourself “fantasizing” about breaking up, or them doing something so bad you have to break up with them – then just leave.” – Rasberryblush

15. “Have those tough conversations that may solve problems or situations. If you find yourself avoiding it because you think your partner is not going to take it well or be able to help you solve it, there’s your answer.” – niketyname

16. “To stop accepting the bare minimum. To be clear upfront with goals and expectations.” – Mundane_Pea4296

17. “Sometimes, you find someone who is the perfect match for you and feels like the love of your life. That does not mean you’ll spend your life together forever. Because no one is ‘magically’ made to love you forever. It’s all random compatibility and how much work you put into the relationship.” – Queasy_Ad_5460

18. “It’s possible to physically ache with love for someone, and I didn’t like it.” – AlyTheConcupiscent

19. “Don’t trust someone who is never there for you, who is never a part of your daily life, and who will throw you under the bus every chance he gets. He is just using you. You never really mattered, even if it was 8 years.” – Slow_Comfortable_589

20. “I’m not your mother. I want a partner. We need to be a team. I’ll never allow control and manipulation to run my relationship or make me doubt myself. I’ll call you out on it. Find a great travel partner. Find your best friend and never lose your own identity and life. You shouldn’t allow your partner to be the centre of your world and give up so much because of this.” – Pleasant-Welder-6654

21. “Someone can check all of your boxes of what sounds perfect on paper and still end up being a bad partner. Accepting poor treatment or toxic behaviour without giving consequences only encourages it. Sometimes leaving someone is the only way to teach them that they must change.” – Viiibrations

At the end of the day, only you have your back.