The talk of sex is among the many hush-hush conversations in our society. So it’s hard to have a conversation about it without getting uncomfortable. However, growing in a relationship requires a lot of communication and conversation. But when it comes to talking about our sexual desires- we often hesitate to express our feelings. This could be because of many reasons, including- lack of experience, past trauma, or maybe society made sex look dirty.
So when you are broaching the topic of sexual boundaries, it’s important to outline things you are not cool with. Here are some ways you can set those sexual boundaries with your partner and feel safe.
1. You need to know what you like and what you don’t. Even when you are experiencing something new, you will always know if it doesn’t feel right. Yup, that’s how you own your pleasure and share it with your partner.
Own your pleasure. Take control of your sexual health and happiness. Communicate your needs, boundaries, comfort levels as well as expectations with your partner. pic.twitter.com/UUkC0J6LOK— Pallavi Barnwal (@pallavibarnwal1) December 14, 2020
2. When you are trying to explore each other’s sexual desires, it is an exciting experience. But keeping a constant check on how it makes your partner feel is vital.
It is so important to maintain consent with your partner(s) when you are already engaged in sexual activities to ensure that everyone is feeling safe and heard, and that boundaries are being respected. Here are some great ways you can practice checking in and maintaining consent pic.twitter.com/pmTmQASpU6— Sexual Assault Centre Kingston (@sackingston) March 16, 2021
3. Remember, you are exploring each other’s bodies, and sexual boundaries keep changing. This means you always need to keep a pathway open to communication.
Sexual boundaries can look pretty different from person to person but the bottom line is no means no. It should be a mutual decision, if it’s not it’s rape, and if it’s not enthusiastic yes it’s still wrong.
4. Don’t shame your partner for their sexual preferences and kinks. Leave that job to society and focus on fun!
To me, “normal” boundaries are defined by each individual couple. What’s acceptable to some couples (eg swinging, cuckolding, etc) is absolutely not acceptable to me. I’m not judging couples who embrace that lifestyle, because to them it is 100% acceptable, and works for them. Basically, if both parties consent, and it doesn’t involve anything illegal, then to each their own. You and your spouse create your own boundaries based on what’s acceptable within the confines of your marriage.
5. Don’t have this conversation inside a bedroom. Why? Because conversations about sex shouldn’t take place during sex. It’s a vulnerable situation and you might not want to ruin it.
One idea is to talk in a nonsexual setting, like over coffee or a meal. People are usually less defensive then.
6. Talk about sexual boundaries before indulging in the deed. Giving a heads up about your preferences makes it more fun.
Normalize having a discussion about sexual boundaries and preferences with your partner before engaging in sex— The Quadfather (@EDC4Lyfe) July 4, 2020
7. Keeping a check on your partner so you don’t pressure them into doing something they are not comfortable with.
8. You don’t have to feel guilty to say ‘NO’
Anything that makes you feel bad or scared or uncomfortable, you don’t have to do. Sex is about making each other feel good.
9. ‘CONSENT’ is all about communication.
CONSENT is all about communication.— Pratibha Sharma 🌸 (@aphrodite___20) January 23, 2022
Be open & honest with your partner about what you want & what you don’t.
Setting your boundaries & respecting those of your partner is highly important.
Sexual activity without consent is assault.#consent #consentmatters
10. Make sure you know about your partner’s turn-ons, fantasies, and boundaries. This will also help you unearth some new sexual fantasies.
11. Things you are willing to try: Communicate the things you are willing to explore with your partner. If you are worried or skeptical about trying something new, it’s good to talk to them about it.
Even though shame and sex go hand in hand in our society, setting sexual boundaries is a crucial slice of a healthy relationship.