First-time sex is awkward, funny and bumpy. But with every successive session, we get better, one orgasm at a time. There’s a rhythm that our bodies start adapting to. And with experience, sex becomes dirtier, nastier and hotter. Be it with one person or with different people.
If you know what you want, there’s only so much you can screw up in sex.
But then there are some off-balance, amateur sessions where men don’t have the first clue of what they’re up to. They cum, they sleep, they repeat. They have no skill whatsoever and they fail to make any effort either.
From casually sliding it in without properly lubricating to humping women like there’s no tomorrow, every man is guilty of doing at least one of these non-doable things in bed. Well, it’s time you stopped.
1. Going straight for the kill. A little foreplay will be much appreciated.
No woman likes it when you go straight to the vajayjay. A little kiss on the neck, moving down to the breasts and a little tuck on the nipples. Feeling her body against yours, tracing her body like it’s meant to be yours forever, that’s what a woman wants. If she wanted to get to the point right away, she wouldn’t need you, she’d just get a dildo.
2. You’re not a drill machine. Stop drilling into her.
Honestly, what’s wrong with you guys? If you could stop with the ‘wham, bham, thank you, ma’am’ in bed, there’s so much more you could be getting than a mediocre orgasm. Stop drilling her in the hope that she might just have the mightiest of orgasms. It doesn’t work like that. The more incessantly you drill, the sooner she’s gonna dry out.
3. Putting it in without lubrication.
Imagine being rubbed by a sandpaper, in your most private parts. That’s how we feel when you just put it in without caring to lubricate it first. While most women almost always get wet when they’re turned on, some don’t. So next time, either turn her on, use the natural lube – saliva or just fucking use a lubricant.
4. Pushing her head down on yours.
No one likes gagging. No one at all. But since you are you, I’ll give you three reasons:
a. You wouldn’t want her to throw up on your penis, would you?
b. We don’t like being forced to take in more than we want to or can.
c. You’re being selfish. So cut it out!
5. Not cutting your fingernails and then jamming them into her.
Ouch! Don’t go all Edward Scissorhands on her, please. Do you have any idea how fragile and vulnerable to infections a vagina is? On a scale of 1-10, it’s a fucking 11. So please trim your nails before you decide to go digging for gold.
6. Not going down on her.
Hey buddy, sex is a two-way street. So you have to give a few fucks about her orgasms as well. If your girl goes down on you, it’s only fair that you should go down on her as well. It’s a different story if she does not like your tongue in her vagina. But if you don’t when she actually wants your tongue in her vagina, if not for the first few months, eventually she’s gonna dump your selfish ass.
7. Letting your fingers roam about in the hope that you’ll hit jackpot some time.
Yo, move on! Her vagina is not a community park. If you are making the effort to go down, know where you want to go. Most women like clitoral stimulation, but you have to find it first to do anything. Don’t run your saliva-laden fingers all over the place and make that ‘plop plop’ sound as you go about finding your way.
8. Focusing only on our breasts and vagina.
Lips, tongue, face, neck, ears, lower back, stomach, waist, inner thighs, behind the knees, calf muscles – there’s absolutely no dearth of erogenous zones on a woman. But you dear sir, you refuse to go anywhere else than her breasts and her vagina. Seriously? She can just masturbate and touch all those places, you know.
9. Not listening.
If you’re not listening to what your lady in bed is trying to tell you, you better start already. Because your woman has the most sensual tricks up her sleeve, and if you start listening, I guarantee your orgasms are going to be better, dirtier and definitely sexier.
10. Eating it wrong.
10 points for effort, but you have to know the anatomy to do it right. You can’t just dive into it and hope that your tongue will miraculously find the clit. You got to know where it is. And when you do, be gentle. Don’t bite. Fixed, gentle strokes will get you better results than diving in.
11. Trying out a position without her consent.
If you want to play dirty, tell your woman. Ask her how open she is to the idea. Especially if you’re planning to go anal. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea. So don’t be an ass and put it without asking and then saying “Oh, sorry! Wrong hole.”
12. Making us do all the work.
Yes, we love being on top. Because not only does it give us a sense of power and control, it also happens to be the easiest position for us to cum. But that doesn’t mean that you just lie there like a log. While we’re moving on top of you, use your hands. Touch our breasts, hold our waist, stimulate our clit with your hands. The sky is the limit. Do something.
13. Not moaning. No hmms or aahs either.
If you want a better experience, start talking and reciprocating. While you’re entangled with another person’s body and they’re taking your breath away, we know it’s hard to form sentences. But the great thing about sex is, you can say a lot with your moans and your aahs and hmms. It gives your partner confidence that they’re doing something right.
14. Trying too hard.
If you’ve been going at our vaginas with undivided attention for the last 20 minutes and we’re still nowhere close to an orgasm, it’s time to stop. We don’t mean it in a rude way, we’re just looking out for your tongue and finger joints. See, our vaginas have a mind of their own and on some days, they turn into joy-killing, mean machines. No matter what you do, it’s not going to happen. Accept it, deal with it.
15. Not asking before blowing your load.
WTF, bruh! We know that’s how they do it in the porn movies. But they get paid to let the man blow his load on her face. If we got paid every time that happened, we’d be rich as hell right now! Stop doing that without asking, it’s rude and violating.
Getting excited and forgetting a few things sometimes is fine. But if it happens all the damn time, it’s time you mended your ways. We guarantee better, steamier sex.