We often mix-up culture with values, which means that not liking a particular idea about one’s culture automatically means that the person lacks values. When, in fact these traditions have been passed on over a long period of time and can be flawed. Certainly, having an opinion doesn’t mean that a person is disrespecting their culture as a whole.

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A Twitter user shared how she and her family refused to perform the ritual of kanyadaan at her wedding, which is focused on transferring a girl from one ancestry to another. She added that her husband sided with them and asked the pandit ji to listen to their choices. Of course her relatives (or guests) weren’t all happy with this decision. But then, it doesn’t really matter.

Wanting a wedding or not, or just wanting it to be done a specific way is a choice. And there’s no good reason to glorify traditions that are flawed, and in this case, sexist. The concept of kanyadaan, no matter how it’s intended, still celebrates the idea of treating women as a possession. And in many ways, it portrays them as inferiors – so it’s okay if some rituals are not passed down to the next generation. It’s actually better.

Many (not all) people are lauding the woman for taking a stand.


Having an opinion is not a sign of disrespect, and it’s time we realise it.