Don’t believe everything the west tells you, especially about countries they consider enemies. (What’s the update on those god-forsaken WMDs, Bush?) The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK) or North Korea (because the world is simple minded) has been the target of America’s hate ever since they said ‘talk to the hand’ to Uncle Sam trying to sell them the capitalist dream.

The American media spewed hate on the late Kim Jong-il, more so through the Team America: World Police movie, where they made the former Supreme Leader look like this.


What rubbish! I mean, don’t they know that showing the Supreme Leader with saggy cheeks is prohibited?! And then they had the audacity to show the current leader, Kim Jong-Un blown to bits in the joke of a movie The Interview .

Whatever. Screw America! As someone who believes that North Korea’s Supreme Leader is here on earth to serve a greater purpose that most lesser mortals cannot understand, let me take this opportunity to talk about something that the world (with the exception of the noble Dennis Rodman, who also supports Donald Trump’s candidacy as the POTUS) largely ignores.

Kim Jong-Un is a misunderstood man.


You might think that I’m delusional and perhaps a little high on soju . But if believing in a country’s leader is crazy, then call me insane by any means. I come from a culture where we respect leaders, no matter what they might have done in the past . Because leadership is not easy, okay? Gah! what would you know?

You see, thanks to the trade embargoes and American sponsored hostility from South Korea, life is not easy in the kingdom country. Hunger, famine and poverty is considered normal there. So when you hear reports that Kim Jong-Un has “executed” his uncle , know that that’s a good thing. He’s in a better place now. Quite literally.

And let’s go easy with the whole “North Korea is threatening to bomb South Korea” rhetoric, okay? The DPRK is a peaceful nation, albeit one without a McDonald’s outlet. And from the reports of Kenji Fujimoto , Kim Jong-il’s personal sushi chef from 1988 to 2001, who later escaped North Korea and wrote a book, we know that the Kim family loves the Big Mac. They used to send a helicopter to China to pick up bulk orders. The only reason the current leader is toying with the idea of nuking South Korea is jealousy. I mean, come on, didn’t you feel jealous of the kid who had a toy that you didn’t?


And yes, let’s all address the elephant in the room – no, not DPRK’s Supreme Leader – but his haircut. To make the understatement of the century, let’s just say that it’s… erm, odd. His haircut even prompts the interwebs to come up with stuff like this.


Imagine you have a hero, a role model. Someone like, say, Skrillex.


You want to get the same kind of haircut but the barber doesn’t tell you that first, you need to grow your hair long and only then shave the sides off. Kim Jong-Un’s hairstyle is an accident. No wonder he’s actually scared of barbers now and apparently cuts his own hair. Just because you’re the leader of a country doesn’t mean you don’t have common man problems in life.

Y’all on the Internet need to start showing more respect to Kim Jong-Un. He’s a man who sets good examples. He wears the same clothes everyday because he knows detergent harms the environment. He doesn’t want his subjects citizens to overwork. Which is why his, his dad’s and his grandpa’s birthdays are national holidays. He believes in transparency in government. Which is why North Korea has seen over 1400 public executions since 2000. And most importantly, he tells the youth all over the world that it’s okay to dream. He became a military general without any combat experience and being in his early thirties, he’s a national leader. He’s living proof that anything is possible if you want.


And you know what? I think the world is obsessed with the wrong Kim. Yes, that “internet breaker”, Kardashian. She is famous for being famous. But Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un is actually an achiever of the highest order.

And on top of that, the common people love him. Look at the happiness in their eyes.


Get your act together people and don’t be sheep to capitalist American propaganda. Be sheep to the Supreme Leader.

If it wasn’t obvious, yes, this was satire. Except for the part about WMDs. Seriously, America, you fucked that up.