Friendship thrives on banter, and sometimes the best way to show affection is through a well-crafted insult or roast. If you’re tired of the same old jokes and want to take your banter to the next level, you’ve come to the right place.
In this article, we’ve curated a collection of 100 insults for friends and roasts to say to your friends that are sure to leave them laughing, crying, or possibly both. From razor-sharp comebacks to downright brutal burns, these funny insults for friends are not for the faint of heart. So buckle up, sharpen your wit, and get ready to dish out some savage roasts to tell your friends that will keep your friendships strong. Let the roasting commence!
1. That triple chin is shaping up nicely.
2. I can do a perfect impression of you, right down to the rotten teeth.
3. Your face could scare the shit out of a toilet!
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4. The only woman to tell you she loves you is your mom.
5. Seriously? You were the sperm that won?
6. They say beauty is on the inside. You better hope that’s true.
7. They say people get what they deserve. In your case it’s a participation trophy.
8. You’re so ugly your portraits hang themselves.
9. Anyone willing to fuck you, is just too lazy to masturbate.
10. You do realise gargling semen won’t cure a cold right?
11. Wait, if you’re here who’s scaring away the crows from our crops?
12. I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.
13. Most know you as my best friend, but gonorrhea doctors know you as ‘patient zero’.
14. Dude, your face looks like something I’d draw with my left hand.
15. God wasted a good asshole when he put teeth in your mouth.
16. When I say I’m rolling a giant fatty, I don’t mean a joint, I mean you.
17. I wish I had more hands so I could show you more middle fingers.
18. You know there’s no vaccine for stupidity, right?
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19. You’re the reason why we can’t have nice things.
20. If stupidity were a superpower, you’d be invincible.
21. You’re like a broken pencil—completely pointless.
22. If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.
23. You’re the human version of a participation trophy.
24. If ignorance were bliss, you’d be the happiest person alive.
25. You’re as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
26. You’re proof that evolution can go in reverse.
27. You’re the living embodiment of a facepalm.
28. If life were a sitcom, you’d be the comic relief character.
29. You’re like a magnet for bad luck.
30. If laughter is the best medicine, you’re the placebo.
31. You’re as sharp as a marble.
32. You’re the Picasso of bad decisions—creating masterpieces of chaos.
33. If personality were a credit score, yours would be subprime.
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34. You’re the reason why warning labels exist.
35. You’re like a Rubik’s Cube—colorful but impossible to figure out.
36. If being clueless were a sport, you’d be the MVP.
37. You’re as graceful as a bull in a china shop.
38. You’re the MVP of awkward moments.
39. If forgetfulness were an art form, you’d be a masterpiece.
40. You’re like a walking typo—constantly making mistakes.
41. You’re proof that Darwin was onto something with natural selection.
42. You’re the reason why Google autocompletes with “Did you mean…”
43. If common sense were common, you’d be a unicorn.
44. You’re like a human tornado—leaving chaos in your wake.
45. You’re the Michael Scott of our friend group.
46. If there was a class on how to mess things up, you’d be the valedictorian.
47. You’re as reliable as a chocolate teapot.
48. You’re the king/queen of inconvenient timing.
49. If life were a game of chess, you’d be the pawn.
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50. You’re like a fine wine—except the longer you’re around, the more you sour.
51. Can I have the name of your hair salon? I need to know where not to go.
52. My days of not taking you seriously have come to a middle.
53. You do a great job combing your hair. It’s impressive how you’re able to hide the horns.
54. You have a face for radio.
55. Whatever kind of look you were aiming for, you missed.
56. If you were a spice, you’d be flour.
57. You may have a sparsely attended funeral.
58. I smell something burning. Are you trying to think again?
59. You’re like a lighthouse in a desert: bright but not very useful.
60. Don’t worry—the first 30 years of childhood are always the hardest.
61. Your biscuit’s not done in the middle.
62. You’re just like a Russian doll—full of yourself.
63. Your face is just fine. It’s your personality that’s the issue.
64. Whatever is eating you must be suffering terribly.
65. You’ve got all the tact of a bowling ball.
66. It’s great to see that you don’t let your education get in the way of your ignorance.
67. Are you doing OK today? You look like the guy in the zombie movie who’s been bitten but is trying to keep it quiet.
68. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
69. It’s impossible to underestimate you.
70. Congratulations on being the top of the bell curve.
71. I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one.
72. You’re the reason tubes of toothpaste have instructions on them.
73. I bet your pH level is 14. Basic.
74. How do you not fall down more?
75. You’re as deep as a puddle in a parking lot.
76. I just love that you don’t care what people think.
77. You remind me of a slightly tilted picture frame.
78. Stupidity is not a crime. You’re free to go.
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79. I would describe your personality as a vibrant shade of beige.
80. You’re such a conversation starter. It gets underway as soon as you leave, that is.
81. You don’t need to fear success. You have nothing to worry about.
82. A sharp tongue is not necessarily an indicator of a keen mind.
83. Is there an intermission to this drama?
84. I’ve seen salad that dresses better than you.
85. You have the same sense of direction as Christopher Columbus.
86. True, sometimes you’re an idiot. But don’t be sorry for who you are!
87. I like you. People say I have no taste, but I like you.
88. The closest you’ll come to a brainstorm is a light drizzle.
89. Your family tree didn’t have enough branches.
90. Your existence proves that intelligent design doesn’t exist.
91. I’m still deciding whether you’re the weakest link or the missing link.
92. You are an oxygen bandit.
93. I’ve had bowel movements more attractive than you.
94. Don’t worry, someday the other one will drop.
95. What doesn’t kill you disappoints the rest of us.
96. Did you develop your personality in car crash?
97. I smell smoke. Were you thinking too hard again?
98. Being bitter won’t make you prettier.
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99. You’re proof that evolution is bulls*it.
100. I will not have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.
Let’s dive into a world where laughter and friendly savage roasts for friends reign supreme.