You’d be lying if you say you got everything right the first time you had sex. It is a journey we have to explore to seek the pleasure we desire. Talking to your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t is important- but it also takes time to open up with your partner about those needs.

We have compiled a list of important perceptions people had after having sex and they are worth your attention.

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1. “I’ve always enjoyed sex but the older I get, the less I see it as a performance. It’s been interesting to just focus on whether or not I’m having a good time, rather than thinking about what my face looks like and if my bum is jiggling weirdly or the angle makes my tits look odd, etc.”


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2. “Getting older made me more open to my kinks and fetishes. I used to be embarrassed about what I was in to but now that I’m older I couldn’t care less about being judged. If I want to peg a man then I’m going to ask him if I can instead of suppressing it.”


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3. “I think I understood better how some people can separate sex and emotions. I’m still not into casual sex like it’s not fun for me without emotions. But I get not feel the need for a romantic crush now. It wasn’t as big of an emotionally bonding experience as I thought it would be before I had sex.”


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4. “I thought PIV (penis in vagina) sex would be great, like, it would feel like the clitoris was inside of the vagina, and was quite let down after the fact. But I learned to roll with it.”


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5. “I don’t think it changed much, at least at that time. Perhaps it changed more over the years after having sex for the first time. But regarding the first time, I just remember being pleasantly surprised how nicely the penis – something which belongs to someone else – fits in the vagina. ‘It’s like they’re made for each other!'”


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6. “The amount of sex you have in a relationship isn’t necessarily an indicator of how much you’re attracted to one another or how healthy the relationship is.”


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7. “I’ve learned that you can’t force attraction, and attraction is fundamental. My first relationship was with a guy that I wasn’t attracted to, and I just went along with it, and never enjoyed sex — I never wanted to try anything, was never adventurous, was rather prudish.”


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8. “I didn’t have sex until 21. I expected it to be this life-changing, beautiful, amazing event. In movies and television, all I ever heard was “sex changes everything.” I realized it wasn’t the big deal that everyone builds it up to be. Sex is as simple as riding a bike or brushing your teeth. Don’t get me wrong, it was amazing, I love sex, and I love the intimacy I have with my SO, but it didn’t completely change me or our relationship. It just felt natural. Sex is also messier than I expected.”


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9. “Bad sex won’t make a great relationship bad and great sex won’t make a bad relationship great.”


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10. “Mostly I learned how much of it is communicating what you want and that it’s not super smooth like it is in the movies. That getting off from PIV stimulation alone isn’t common (I had NO idea), that it’s normal if you don’t finish at the same time, that I liked things I didn’t know I liked and disliked some things I thought I would like, that generally it takes time before you start to like it because at first, you don’t really know what you need and before that, it’s just sort of weird.”


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11.  “It was surreal. It wasn’t the most graceful first time, and it took practice to get to the point where my SO and I routinely had good/great sex, but I enjoyed my first time for the most part.”


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12. “I learned a lot about my personal needs, but more importantly, I learned how to respect my own personal needs and find someone completely compatible with me sexually and romantically.”


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13. “The older I got, the more selfish I got.. but in a good way. Early on when I was sexually active… I would always be about pleasing the guy. now, I’m like ” let me get mine and then ill make it reallllll good for you” HAHA in all seriousness. With age, I got more comfortable with my body and listened to it as well as getting rid of all those things I’ve seen in movies and porn and just created my own so to speak. I didn’t try to imitate what I saw or heard is what you should do… I just did me.”


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14. “Now that I’ve been in my current relationship with my SO, I am more comfortable with my weirdly shaped, slightly chubby, and less-bendable body than I was when I was young and spry. Intimacy is WAYYYY better than just getting laid.”

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15. “Sex is always better with the people you have natural unexplainable chemistry with. They might not be the hottest, but there is something about chemistry and sexual compatibility. I’ve had good sex with gorgeous men, but without the chemistry, it can’t be great.”


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16. “I didn’t realize sex was such a messy and funny thing. It kind of makes the taboos ridiculous. Why can’t we talk about queefs when queefing is fundamental to fucking?”


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It’s different for everyone and it will be different for you too!

Read more: How To Make Sex Pleasurable: Women Share The Secrets That Really Peaked Their Pleasure.