You might or might not accept it, but you can't live without it. Sex is such. Sparks ignite and soon there's fire raging through your loins. From undressing each other to the sweet climax, sex is a mystery that unfolds in different ways for different people.
For some it's making love, for others it's their carnal craving but sex is difficult to live without. However, at times things happen that make us question our idea of having sex in the first place and for some reason this regret comes complimentary with one night stands.
So we asked around and found 10 awkwardly funny one night stand experiences that will make you laugh in pity:
1. Hello, nightmare!
"Had one in Amsterdam. I came back to India, but we were still in touch. A month later, she told me that she was pregnant and my worst nightmare came true. I was still confused because what we did couldn't have gotten her pregnant. Turns out it was with someone else and this was a joke that life played on me."
2. Thank you, Piggy Boy!
"I don't believe in the idea of meeting people online, but this one time I thought of trying it and met a guy through Facebook. We had a few mutual friends, so it didn't seem all that weird. We texted for a month or so and the sexual tension was insane. Finally when we met, we just went for it. Everything was going fine, till he started moaning.
It was like a pig was grunting. I was immediately turned off, but still played along. After he finished, he said 'thank you' and that's the last I heard of him."
3. The night of smelly horror
"It was at a house party. I met her and she was definitely into me. Everything looked perfect because there was a lot of alcohol and we all had to crash at that place only. But, I think I judged the situation too soon.
Everybody has passed out and she was lying next to me. She reeked of alcohol, but that was okay. It was pitch dark and we lean forward to kiss. Next thing you know, my face is sprayed with something that smells disgusting.
Yep, she puked on me and passed out. The next morning, she didn't remember a thing!"
4. Houston, we have a problem
"I met a girl at a party that was for some random reason thrown at my house. We're both high, when she suggests that I walk her home. Things look positive and I reach her house, which is smelling of something really bad. I ignore that and we start making out.
During sex, the first thing she says is 'Houston, we're in'. I'm like nerdy bandi hai, sahi hai! Then something weird AF happens. We're done having sex and she tells me that she does violent things in anger. Casually she mention, how she ended up slamming her cat on the wall once.
I'm freaking the fuck out and then she leads me to the balcony, where the dead cat is lying. I make an SOS call to my friend and we ran for our lives."
5. Bhagwan ke liye mujhe chhorh do?
"There was a guy who was charming and super smooth but his name was Pashupati, as in the incarnation of Lord Shiva. Once I got super drunk and we hooked up. Now I live with the burden that I slept with someone called Pashupati."
6. Rebound gone wrong
"I had been talking to this guy for a long time and we finally decided to take things forward. It started off well. I was out of a 5-year-long relationship and this was a rebound of sorts. So we start getting it on, but it looks like he doesn't know what he's doing. By now, I'm bored and irritated. I ask him whether he even knows what he's doing. He looks embarrassed and finally confesses that it's his first time.
I'm pretty sure I must've turned red. I stood up and ran. That's all I could do. I'm still guilty about it, but we haven't spoken since. So, that's fine!"
7. Butt of course, it was disgusting!
"Hook-ups are all about being spontaneous. But this guy I was hooking up with left me in the bed and went to the bathroom for a little too long. We resumed once he was back, and he suggested that we do something adventurous and decided on a 69. I put my face where it was supposed to be and found a shred of toilet paper stuck between his butt cheeks. It was fucking disgusting, man.
That's what put me off one night stands forever!"
8. Goodbye oral sex
"I was with this girl, who was heavily into oral sex. Both giving and taking. She went down on me it fuckin' blew my mind. I was more than happy to go down south on her. By now things have gotten pretty hot and I'm doing the best I can to please her. 5 minutes into this and I feel a whiff of air on my face.
Yes, she farted on my fucking face. I still cringe when I think about it!"
9. The God of Small Things
"So, this guy I met through a friend asks me out for a party in Kharghar. Now Kharghar is far from Mumbai Central. But I decide to go anyway. After a few drinks, this guy starts making moves. I'm all like 'haan dekha jayega.' He leans in and kisses me. I kiss him back. It's all going good. But then when I place my hand to see if my efforts have made a difference length-wise, I am shocked!
Bro, nothing. He has this really, really, really tiny dick. I get so put off that I feign that I'm going to be sick and go to the other room and sleep."
10. The girl's got crazy eyes
"I met a girl at a friend's place and after we were both quite high, we decided to head back to my place. Everything seemed normal. Sex was good and then we got to talking. Since we were both high, we started talking about death and what happens to your body after you die and she asks me whether I have ever thought about killing anyone. I could sense a creepy story coming my way and just shook my head.
She then proceeded to narrate how she has always thought about killing someone by suffocating them, with a pillow. And since we were on the bed, there were 2 pillows around us and of course, I was majorly creeped out. She was looking at me with the crazy eyes and I was so confident that I wouldn't see the sun rise the next day. I turned around and pretended to sleep. After a couple of hours, she left without saying a thing."
And you thought a stand-up comedy video would make you laugh tonight!
Steamy designs by Aakansha Pushp