The big day of love is around the corner, people. And let’s face it – even though a lot of us are smart enough not to buy into the ridiculous carnival of mush that is everything Valentine’s Day – it’s kind of fun to mock-participate in the pristine holiday of romance and do it with someone you love!

Well we’ve collected the cleverest, cutest, funniest of Valentine’s Day cards out there meant for couples that get sarcasm more than they get romance.

The TV-crazed couple that fights over the remote a lot will understand.

For the ones who have their life’s priorities straight.

Let them know you love them in spite of everything.

Celebrate the truth of your glorious union.

And tell them what their presence means to you.

You are, after all, not everyone’s cup of tea.

Or just celebrate something else altogether!

But celebrate in a calm fashion. F**king calm.

Let them know how crazy they make you. Like insane.

Or you could ignore the day and celebrate avocados instead.

All that pressure to be cheesy!

When you actually just confusedly love-hate the day.

Cherish the things you have in common with your loved one.

And the fact that they obviously hate the stupid V-Day crap just as much as you do.

Tell them they’re the only one for you.

And what about them you adore so much.

Let ’em know you’d always be there if they needed you. For certain specific things.

Your utterly special someone from Tinder the bar nearby.

Movie buffs have feelings too.

Or you could just be… Direct. Movie buffs or not.

Remind them of all the things you like to do together.

First they stole your heart, and now the other stuff.

Tell ’em how much they mean to you. Be very specific.

And if you both are kinda anti-V-Day…

Kinda sorta just hanging out? There are cards for you too.

Tell them what you love about them. And what you don’t.

Honesty, sometimes makes for the best Valentine’s Day cards.

Make up a metaphor they’d get. A metaphor of luuurve.

And thank them for all they do for you.

‘Cause this day is all about grand gestures. And sex. It’s also largely about sex.

Tell your loved one they’re right on top of your list. Right below the dog, though.

Everything you do for them.

The worlds you’d give up for them.

All just to do the little things you love doing together.

Even though…

Waiting for an answer? Go with a multiple-choice question.

If you’re a lady with a special lady-love, tell her what’s on your mind.

‘Cause admit it, you know how disgusting you two are.

Might as well give ’em a card with the truth in it.

Y’know, and be very, very clear.

Get your love some star-power, if you will. Get it some Mike Tyth’on!

Unless you think your love is enough. Just about, barely enough.

Pick a card… From the heart.

And tell your lover you think of them in your most special moments.

‘Cause Valentine’s Day May be full of surprises, but Valentine’s Night not so much. *wink*

We hope you find yourself the perfect card. There’s literally everything out there. Y’know what my card-dashian will read? “Kan-ye be my Valentine?”

BOOM. *mic drop*