We’ve all been in situations where we’ve compromised our values and standards to welcome people or certain habits/behavioural patterns into our lives. And that’s okay. There’s no shame in that because that’s a part of the human experience. But, it’s also just as important to check in with yourself once in a while and ask yourself where you’ve lowered your standards so that you can course-correct.

So, this Reddit thread where people have discussed times they realised they lowered their standards might just offer you some healing by being retable and offering some advice you may or may not need to hear. Take a look:

1. “When my dad and brother walked in on my boyfriend of 1 year in the men’s loo shagging a bridesmaid at my cousin’s wedding. My dad’s comment to me after the ruckus was….’I didn’t raise you to be stupid, nor are you. So why in the hell are you dating these idiots who are clearly not worth your time? You darling girl are better than this.’ I took his advice and wised up.”


2. “My ex dumping me to pursue the poly lifestyle. To each their own, but I am worthy of a FULL partner, not a fraction of one. I’ll never take any less than that, ever again.”


3. “Was seeing someone regularly, exclusively but casually. Planned to grab dinner and asked him to make the reso, double-checked twice whether he did (my ex of 3.5 years would’ve likely forgotten). And he was like ‘Yes of course I did, I said I would?’ He himself literally said ‘The bar is on the floor’ the way I was pleasantly surprised he actually made a dinner reservation. That was the first step in not dating losers.”


4. “‘Your partner is a reflection of how much you love yourself.’ I saw that quote and never resonated with something so much in my life. Because obviously, that meant I didn’t love myself at all.”


5. “I’ve always had high standards for others, but not for myself. What made me realise I needed to treat myself better was the moment I went into the bathroom to have a panic attack at work. I didn’t tell anyone, but I knew I needed to start eating better, going to bed at a decent time, being less on my phone, drinking less coffee, working out, and above all, leave a relationship with an amazing person who didn’t make me or let me make him happy. I didn’t want more years of the same life, that’s what made me raise my standards and I won’t lower them ever again.”


6. “When I took a step back and studied the characters of the kind of men I had been attracting: Broken, unavailable, low-vibration, low-effort, etc. I recognised that there was some serious work (within me) that I needed to do, and got right to it. And just like that … such men are not a problem anymore.”


7. “I was tired of begging to get treated better/ having to ‘Prove myself’ worthy.”


8. “A colleague at work asked me my opinion on certain things. Topics my partner at the time had never asked me.”


9. “I went away to college and realized that the chaos and general shenanigans that I was born/raised in wasn’t actually normal. Although I kinda always knew, I just didn’t realize that I didn’t have to live like that. When I had my own dorm room that was quiet, clean, peaceful and a routine at school I felt less anxious and was way more productive and level-headed!”


10. “When my ex-partner of 4 years acted like fucking me was a chore. He would avoid sex at all costs.”


11. “Dating a man with questionable hygiene in my late twenties. It wasn’t my job to educate or to ‘Save’ him.”


12. “Realising that a lot of men fundamentally despise us. I live in the Bay Area, and it’s full of bitter, misogynistic tech dudes that have a lot of complexes based on being overlooked by women when they were younger.

I was raised by a respectful and loving father who prioritised my independence, education, and self-confidence, and despised regressive female stereotypes. My brother, similarly, treats me with kindness and respect. And I spent my life seeing my parents work as a team, as equal partners, and respect and love each other. I don’t want to settle for anything less than that.”


Ready to raise your standards?