For a country that is so hush-hush about sex, we sure do like to show off our ancient sex book, Kama Sutra.
I mean, do you even see the irony here? Well, after some light reading, the book offers some tips to men on how to get the perfect woman.
Needless to say, the book is all parts sexist and some parts downright funny.
1. Men should go for an ideal woman who is a multitasker at best and know it all at worst.
An ‘ideal woman’ has to be great in bed and should also excel in dancing, singing, cracking jokes, carpentry, and have a working knowledge of cock-fights cuz we know how helpful that information is in our daily lives.
Not just that, they should also know how to do sorcery and riddles. Aur kuch bhi baaki hai toh bata do.
It’s 2021 and the world is still telling women how to exist.
2. Men should stay away from women with pimples.
As per the book, men should stay away from women who have been ‘defiled’, who sweats a lot, has pimples, or is bow-legged.
For a moment, I was like ‘whaaa, really? Is this book so blatantly sexist?’
3. Men should leave women who fall asleep during courtships at once.
The book gets a little too precise and all the more sexist when it advises men to reject a girl who legit falls asleep during the same.
Lol, don’t come at us. We are as shocked as you are with this book.
4. Men should keep curling their mustaches so that we find them attractive.
If you’re a man and you go by the book then you must keep on curling your mustache or try wearing ornaments so that you can impress the women around you.
Did we just get mansplained by a book? Uhh…really counting my reasons as to why we’re so ‘proud’ of Kama Sutra.
5. Men, if you spot a woman playing with a kid, know that she’s asking for it.
If by chance, you are seen kissing, playing, or hugging a child then you’re hinting to your partner that you’re interested.
What?! Is this for real? Who even says things like that anymore? Yaar, meri koi feelings nahi hai?
6. Men, keep on proposing till she says yes.
This book legit tells you to be persistent if you fail at courting a woman at first. You are even allowed to fall at their feet and request cuz who will be able to resist that, hai na?
Okay, my brain hurts now. My mind just won’t accept it. @Men, please don’t take this seriously at all.
7. Men, you need to get into drawing to get into their pants.
The secret is to draw a tiger’s claw, lotus leaf, a half-moon using nails.
Really? Did the book just ask men to draw a tiger’s claw using nails? DID THEY JUST DO THAT? Can’t believe.
8. Men need to send gifts in exchange for sex and fancy.
Men of the world, please send perfumes and wooden sex toys if you really want to leave an impression on a virgin gal. I am not saying it. The book is saying it.
I mean, obviously, the book would know more about what women want/like than actual women na?
Kama Sutra needs to chill. This is getting out of hand.
9. Men need to make their women consume a ‘love concoction’ so that they are always faithful.
Why do you need to trust your partner when you can just make your woman consume powdered thorns of milk-hedge, hogweed, legit monkey-poop along with roots of glory lily.
I pity the women who had to eat all of these just because a few men were insecure. Story of the whole millennium.
Plot twist: men should just trust their partners and not get influenced by such ideas.
Dear men, don’t follow these. Just be a compassionate human being and ask for consent. Kid you not, we’re really not from Venus, if you know what I mean.