Falling in love comes with a lot of things, including sharing vulnerable truths, sharing personal space, and giving security in the relationship. Though you may need to do all that for your loving relationship, but having a personal space in a relationship is healthy. All you need to do is spot the difference between secrecy and privacy.
Nonetheless, if you are confused about how much to share or what to share with your partner, then hang in there. We have listed down things a partner should keep private no matter how healthy the relationship is.
1. “Your psychologist/therapy sessions. I had an ex that used to demand I tell him what I talked about in my sessions and it was super uncomfortable. My current partner and we are both in therapy and if it’s a phone session the other goes to a different room. If we want to talk about something we told the psych or something we will tell our psych at the next appointment we do, but I would never ask, and nor would he.”
2. “The unkind shit you think when you’re angry and tired, it will absolutely never help at all to say any of it out loud and even if you don’t have a particularly big fight or break up over it you’ll still regret it and they’ll still remember. Possibly also what you think about how hot other people are, depending on how jealous/insecure your SO is.”
3. “Things that you don’t like about their body. They just don’t need to know. If you are concerned about their health or hygiene that warrants a conversation but making comments about physical flaws — completely unnecessary.”
4. “Bathroom habits, it doesn’t matter if it’s been 60 years or 5 years, i’m not letting my SO hang out with me when i’m on the toilet, dealing with stuff. (poop, pee, period blood, discharge, etc.)”
5. “It’s not that it should be kept private, as in forcefully, but I believe both persons in a relationship should have privacy in their devices. Mine SO has all my logins, and passcodes for my phone and tablet, but this doesn’t give her the right to go snooping for stuff that will never be there. She can totally grab my phone, if it’s nearest, to search on google, or grab someone’s phone number. But we’ve agreed that if either of us snoop, you better be sure that there’s going to be something to find, because if there isn’t, then you deserve the trouble that you’ve caused.”
6. “Journals. My partner writes in one every night before bed and I have no idea what any of it says. If she wants to share with me she can. Those are her private thoughts and feelings until she decides differently. The same goes for me.”
7. “Things you aren’t ready to talk about yet. I have a lot of trauma and I’m not always ready to talk or explain. However, I’m lucky my partner respects that and has let me open up at my own pace.”
8. “Which of your friends or family don’t like them It will do nothing but upset them, and worse create a bigger problem between them I would also like to add to that if one of your friends or family members doesn’t like your s/o and you aren’t at the very least making them polite and respectful when they have to be around each other you are the main problem in that scenario.”
9. “Anything wanted private that has no direct impact on the relationship. People don’t need to be sharing text messages, diary entries, detailed itineraries when apart, etc. Any insistence on that kind of sharing is paranoid and unhealthy. Trust is important as is understanding people may still need their space regardless of relationship status.”
10. “Confidential work-related things that I’m legally not supposed to tell anyone outside of the project/case.”
11. “I don’t like the idea of sharing absolutely everything with one’s partner like its proof of healthiness. I think it’s healthy to maintain some sort of individuality, personal mental space, your secret garden that only you can access.”
12. “I think this will be a little different for everyone. For me, I don’t have my girlfriend go through my devices and likewise, I do the same. Privacy boundaries are different for everyone, so one should discuss with their SO on boundaries.”
13. “Other people’s secrets. So often I see people saying that if you tell them something private, it should just be assumed that they are going to tell their SO, but I think that’s shitty. If one of my friends tells me something personal in confidence, I don’t tell me SO, and I would expect him to feel the same way about anything his friends tell him.”
14. “Their sexual prowess compared to past partners, or really comparing anything about them to past partners. It’s gross, and serves no purpose.”
It’s healthy to maintain individuality in a relationship.