Let’s be honest it’s hard to handle a spat. The worst part is when you have to be the first person to address it, and the verbal tussle begins. Scary AF, right?
But, hey, we all know such quarrels are normal to some extent, and most of them can be resolved- if we know how to communicate. Redditors have discovered some tricks on how you can get through those agruments unscathed.
1. Don’t dismiss your partner when they are trying to have a conversation.
“I’m kind of surprised at how much “DISTRACTION!” and “Let’s have sex,” there are here. If you are in a relationship with someone, and they are so irrational that their concerns are not worthy of your attention, you are not in a good relationship. I remember how tempting it was to say, “Let’s just talk about this after sex,” but it was a very bad plan in the long run because she learned that I didn’t respect her because I did that. It’s a way of dismissing the person you’re closest with when they feel they have reason to be upset. Don’t do that.”
2. Swallow that pride.
“If they’re right, you have to learn to swallow that pride. No matter how hot it burns. No matter how much you loathe the thought of them doing an “I told you so”. You’ll defuse an argument much faster if you can punch your own ego into submission and acknowledge their stance as valid.”
3. Call it a reset and do this.
“I will normally do what I call “reset” where I get back into my PJs and lie down in bed for a little while, and then I’ll take a long, hot shower. If I’m still feeling upset I’ll go back to bed or else I’ll go downstairs and have a little something to eat. It’s a lot harder to be mad at someone when you’re more relaxed and less hungry. It’s like the reverse of “don’t go to bed angry” I guess.”
4. A healthy distraction may help sometimes.
“I start cleaning. This starts him cleaning since he can’t stand watching me work while doing nothing himself. Then we both get all of our frustrations out through scrubbing. It ends up with us being too tired to fight, and just end up watching a movie on the couch.”
5. It’s not a hard nut to crack, after all.
“Honestly, I remain calm. If you’re calm, the other person will start to calm down as well, and then you can talk it out like grownups!”
6. We hope this works.
“If you want to diffuse an argument with your spouse, hold hands. You simply cannot stay mad at a person you’re holding hands with. Try it out. When you’re holding hands love and common sense prevail.”
Also read: Why Does Fighting With Your Partner Turn You On?
7. Be specific about what made you angry.
“Not really a trick, but first, make sure I’m talking about a behavior or act I don’t like- not a person. Second, make damn sure that I’m not at fault. If I’m angry, it’s very hard to do. But it makes me think carefully before I speak.”
“Pause-Unpause rule from How I Met Your Mother: Marshall and Lily rule that during a fight they can ‘pause’ anytime to take a break from the fight and pretend nothing is wrong, allowing them to enjoy a meal or have sex without thinking about the fight. When they ‘unpause’, they can go back to addressing the fight again, as the heat of passion of the fight has dissipated.”
9. Don’t be attached to being “right”
“Listen to them. Reflect back on what they are saying so that they feel understood. Talk in soft tones. Most importantly: listen to them and MAKE SURE THEY FEEL UNDERSTOOD.”
10. Listen up.
“Avoid exaggerating. Words like “always” or “never” tend to lead to fact-checking competitions instead of discussing the issue at hand. Stop yourself from making stupid declarations. Don’t back down from what you believe in, but be willing to believe in something else.”
11. Search for common ground.
“I remind myself that I love her, and then I try to figure out where she’s coming from and where I’m coming from, and where the disconnect might be. It’s also helpful to find something — ANYTHING — to apologize for. This can be quite simple, like “I’m sorry I upset you” or “I’m sorry this has become so heated.” From there, you try to bridge the gap and find that common ground. We’re usually on the same page, so if we have a disagreement (and we never REALLY fight) it’s typically from a misunderstanding; patiently talking things through usually makes it all better.”
12. One basic important step.
“Walking away until emotions have simmered down and both parties have a chance to think about issues away from the immediate emotions.”
13. Try your hands on humour.
“I remember from relationship/sexual psychology that couples using “you” less during arguments and allowing some humor during the argument are more likely to have successful relationships. It helps defuse things between my boyfriend and me.”
14. Remember this.
“In a fight, there is usually one person who isn’t as mad as the other. When you are that person, do something to diffuse the rage. Make a joke, laugh, etc.”
Now that’s how you deal with a dispute with your partner.
Read more: Unhealthy Relationship Expectations That We Need Do Away With ASAP.