We all believed in a happily ever after fed to us by swoon-worthy rom-coms and novels. However, the reality is different. We found a Quora thread where people made some confessions that disclose the truthful reasons why they regret getting married.
Disclaimer: Some accounts can be distressing, reader discretion advised. If you or any of your loved ones are suffering from abuse, please contact authorities.
1. “I got married at 22 after being greatly pressured by my family. This man was apparently nice, handsome and had no bad habits. From day one, he and his parents started torturing me saying I didn’t give any dowry. I had to quit my studies to do household work. I had to quit my part-time job because I was earning double the amount of my husbands’, which was his prestige issue. I wasn’t even permitted to wear the clothes of my choice or walk in the corridor. I wasn’t allowed to meet my friends and family. They once took my phone away, locked me in a room and had beaten me to death. I almost lost my eye. I finally came to my parents.”
2. “I got married to a stranger whose image was portrayed to me in a very positive manner before marriage. After marriage, it came to light that all information was false, even his date of birth. I was tortured from the first day of my marriage. On the 4th day after our marriage, he threw me out of the room as my dad has not paid the furniture amount of 1 lakh to him. Then I came to know that my mother in law was searching for another girl for him. During the first month of my pregnancy, I came to Dehradun with my younger sister and had painful 9 months of pregnancy. I was blessed with a beautiful and cute daughter but he wanted a boy. He accused me of being characterless, having physical affairs and most importantly he claimed that this child is not his. It’s been 3 years. Neither he is taking the responsibility of taking care of our child, nor is he letting me go. He is enjoying his life to the hilt, leaving me in distress.”
3. “I was very young when I met this man on a matrimonial site. He wooed me in every possible way. We were finally married. I was very happy. We flew abroad and started living a life I always dreamt of. I have always preferred to be a homemaker, which he knew and appreciated before marriage. However, things gradually started to change. He made me do things of his choice. He made me do a job against my will. He would even choose the dress I would wear and even the way I will tie my hair. This was very frustrating. He used to complain about everything. One day, he made me sit with him and very calm told me that he doesn’t have feelings for me and he doesn’t like me anymore. I was in shock and I didn’t know how to react. I started crying and he told me that it made me look like a cartoon so I should stop. He then forced me to visit India to my home that we should stay separate for some days. I agreed. After two months, he came to India as a completely changed man. He wouldn’t let me touch his phone. The next day, he left his phone in front of me and a message popped showing “I love you baby” from a woman. I confronted him and he agreed that he could not tell me. I came back to my mother and filed for a mutual divorce. He agreed and never apologized for the thing he has done. I really regret marrying him.”
4. “I was married 1.5 years back in India. It was an arranged marriage and I did not know my husband very well. The marriage felt like a mistake from day 1. There was only body shaming, misery, tears and empty apologies for me. It was a distance marriage as I struggled for a work visa for one year. During that one year, I was lonely every single day and there was minimum communication with my husband as he was a “busy” guy. I finally came to his work country in January 2020 but was still living in different cities, due to our jobs, but there was still no concern from his side, no communication, no warmth but the same level of body shaming, coldness. On my second day in this country, he sat me down for 20 minutes in a mall while I was thinking well of myself, and showed his frustration about how I looked explaining that he only wants me to “look good”. And then lockdown started, and he did not come to my city as I had not set up my house entirely and I could not go because I was sick. We eventually lived together for 30 days, as I forced him to come to my city as travel restrictions were reduced, but even while living together, I was so lonely. For some reason, he just didn’t sit and chatted with me, or smiled at me or hugged me or feel any attraction for me. So, that moment arrived, where I finally left him.”
5. “I regret fighting with my parents for marrying my then-boyfriend. I wanted to marry my boyfriend, who, as per my belief, loved me more than anyone can love someone. Even though he introduced me to alcohol, he now objected whenever I used to drink and he goes out for drinking with his friends. My MIL never accepted me because I am a Bihari and they are Bengali. She also used to taunt me because I am not as beautiful as normal Bengali brides. Their extended family even used to make fun of me because I didn’t bring any dowry. I lost my family. My parents hardly visit me. In the last 5 years, my family members have visited my home just once. They don’t even care if I am dead or alive anymore. I basically married my boyfriend who was never prepared to transform into a husband and then after becoming a wife, my desires from my husband changed but my boyfriend never changed into a husband. So now I am wife stuck with a boyfriend, who has no family to support her.”
6. “Yes. It was an arranged marriage and we hardly had time to interact before we got married. The initial days were really good, say the first 15 days. My wife then had to leave for her final semester exams to her hometown. I missed her like hell, every time I called her up, she said she was busy studying. I let it go as it was a matter of only a few days. But once she came, I noticed she was upset. Whenever I tried to make love to her, she avoided me. I talked to her and realised she is still not ready for it. Two months later, we had to leave for Chennai for my office work. I accidentally saw her phone, I got to know that there is this one number that has constantly been in touch with her through calls and messages. Curious, I asked her; she had no answer, only after I asked her if it was her boyfriend she said yes. I then realized that it was their 13 years of a relationship that was not approved by her parents. So she thought of moving on and marrying me. But she could not move on, so she got in touch with her boyfriend even after getting married to me. I informed her parents, they all asked me to forgive her and accept her. I too thought the past is past, also she agreed that she won’t get in touch with him anymore. A couple of days later, again I saw her behaviour changing towards me. Thanks to some apps, I spied on her. After I left to office, she would call the guy and plan to leave me soon. And I was listening to the call records from my office. I informed her parents and my family and thought of leaving her. At least that would make both of us happy. We all met at her house, I even got her boyfriend called there. Made them talk for a couple of minutes and asked her to choose between him and me. She again said that she wants to stay with me, I refused, but everyone else convinced me. Hesitatingly I agreed. I stopped spying on her. A couple of days later I see her crying since she could not forget him, she was in constant touch with him. I realized it was high time and we met at my house this time. Again she said that she wants to be with me but was unable to forget the past. This time I had made it clear that I can’t stay with her. Her parents literally crying, didn’t want to call this marriage off. I agreed to them only after they all gave me in writing that she won’t repeat the mistake again. She changed her mobile number. Things were better now. A month later, I come to know that, soon I will be a father, that feeling gave me strange happiness. I thought that good days have finally begun. I was happy. On the same night, when we both were about to sleep, I hear a vibrating mobile, I check mine, I check her’s, it’s neither of them. A few minutes later, I again hear it. By now I was sure that there was an extra mobile phone. I soon found it out that they were again in touch with each other through an additional mobile. I asked her to pack her bags and leave. As I type this, she is begging me not to leave her. But I don’t trust her anymore. She broke the trust in Love marriages because she left him and married me. She broke the trust in arranged marriages because she wanted to leave me and go back to him.”
7. “I was 22 when my family started looking for a groom for me. We met this Punjabi guy from Karnal. We met in my room, talked for about 3 hours and I liked his passion for his work. I liked his looks and his body. So we got married. The next day I received gifts from all their relatives. On the same day, my in-laws had to go to Punjab for my father in law’s son wedding. The next day we were alone and I told him that I am getting ready and then we will go for lunch. I wore a dress. When he saw me, he said, “What are you wearing?”. He felt shy and closed his eyes. He told me to wear a suit. Then we had a big argument. He told me that in his family even jeans are not allowed. I was really depressed. I had to wear a suit, cover my head with chunni sometimes during prayers or in marriages. I always wanted a fashionable husband. He wore kurta-pyjama 365 days a year. I wanted my husband to take me to parties, continental restaurants, dance with me but he only ate homemade food.”
“I never got good feelings about marrying but my parents fought, cried and shouted at me to get married as I was getting bald. Before our marriage, I asked her if she had any relationship, she clearly said no. After marriage, we went abroad for our honeymoon. She was not at all interested in coming close to me and said that we came here for holiday. I was shocked and shaken. Coming back from the trip, she informed me that she couldn’t connect with me as she suffered from child abuse. I was completely shaken by hearing this but somehow decided to accept the reality and move on and support on. On her birthday, I read her old messages where she was talking to a guy about how they had sex. I asked her about it and she said give me one chance it was a mistake. After few days, I started reading her messages, where she was discussing all her past relationships with her online friend. I was not at all in the favour of forgiveness but now I was in the spider’s web. I stayed with her as the lockdown got announced. I got worried about my future cried many times, but somehow stayed with her as I couldn’t see any option beyond her. Things were going fine until she went to her parent’s home almost the first time after 1.5 years of marriage. After reaching there, she stayed in contact for 3–4 days, but then she started behaving weird. She won’t pick up my call or reply to me. I don’t know right now whether she is doing this intentionally or unintentionally, whether it’s her depression that she doesn’t understand these expectations even after repeating them many times. She doesn’t care for anyone. She was supposed to come on a specific date but she extended her stay for 2 weeks stating health reasons. I feel alone here, but she never showed her attachment and care towards me.”
9. “I am married for 3years now, dated my husband for around 2 years before that. He was like a breath of fresh air to me and I fell madly in love. I had some clues in the initial stages of our courtship. He was the only son of a divorced, single mom, his mom was extremely controlling and he was a dutiful son. I expected some problems because of that. I tried to talk to him about it and he brushed off my concerns and reassured me that his mom is a wonderful lady and she will like me. When the time came for us to tell our parents about our relationship, my parents had their reservations but agreed. My MIL flat out refused because according to her, I was too fat, short and dark and wouldn’t fit into my husband friends circle. Unfortunately, my husband managed to convince me. My MIL put me down and harassed me every chance she could get but I told myself my husband still loved me and he wasn’t harassing me directly. Then I got pregnant, and suddenly, my husband started controlling and harassing me directly. He would force me to do things according to him, would disregard anything I had to say, misbehave with me in front of his relatives. I ended up having a threat to my pregnancy after which I went to my parents’ home. Then I delivered my daughter, and my husband and MIL started harassing me again. My husband took me back with the baby and would threaten me with divorce whenever I dint do things according to him. The only reason I’m staying in this sham of a marriage is because of society (India) and my daughter. But I’m still not able to digest the mental trauma my baby is going through being in such a toxic household.”
10. “I got married to this girl who I met through a matrimonial website in 2009. I was in Delhi and she was in Bangalore at that time. We got married in November 2010 and at that time I had secured a high paying job with a leading GEC channel in Mumbai. The trouble started the moment we reached Mumbai. I was able to get a decent 2BHK in the Mumbai Goregaon suburb only drawback was it was an old building with no lift. The moment she got inside the house her first comment was ‘WTF, are gonna live in this house?” Soon thereafter, I saw things going downhill. It was like if she hadn’t had her way she would create issues. Like as soon as I use to reach the office, she would call me and say I’m committing suicide by drinking phenyl or inhaling the gas and I had to rush back home dropping everything. And she would do this just for attention. I later got to know that she is having an affair with her ex-boyfriend who is married with 2 kids. I spoke to her and she accepted her affair. Finally, after waiting for 2 years of spoiling my mental balance and peace of mind, I filed a petition in court last year post my petition they filed 7 charges against me like domestic violence, dowry 498a and physical abuse etc. When the court date appeared, they couldn’t prove even one single charge and asked that if we compensate them monetarily they would agree for divorce. To buy peace of mind for me and my family, we decided to pay her.”
Feelings of regret can occur for various reasons. Are you unhappy with a decision you once thought would last a lifetime?
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