Trigger warning: The article discusses domestic violence in detail. Reader’s discretion is advised.

When women complain of domestic violence, they often, unbelievably have to answer this question – “why did she not leave?”. 

It’s astounding that this even needs explaining, but here you go. How about a very legitimate fear of being physically harmed? Or years of gaslighting that leads them to believe they deserve to be treated poorly?

Help Guide

There’s that, and of course, then, in some cases, there is undying hope that their partner will change. Can you blame a woman for it? For so many of them, this happens because they cannot think of an independent life…because their families have not equipped them for one. 

It is not easy to leave your whole life behind, even if that life deserves to be left. Here are some Quora answers that touch upon reasons why a woman might “put up with assault”. It should put things in perspective. 


Many women are afraid their ex-partner will track them down and kill them. Many women are right about this. Some are afraid that their ex will gain visitation rights for their children in order to harm the children as revenge. Some women are right about this, too.

A large number of women are afraid that they will have nowhere to live if they leave. They are right about this a lot of the time. Domestic violence linked to murder, child abuse, and homelessness is on the rise.


Sadly, some of them think that they did something wrong. That they in some way deserve the abuse. Some think that the abuse is the best way to be acknowledged by anyone.

They (are convinced that they) have brought it on themselves. If they had just shut up, he wouldn’t have had to hit. It’s not abuse…just punishment for their stupidity or actions. You begin to try and follow all the rules to avoid that punishment and of course, the rules change daily so you’ll never do it right. “I love him, if I just do better things will change.”


Often they have limited options. Typical scenario: In order to better control her, the abuser alienates her from friends and family, prevents her from working, and gets her pregnant. This makes her totally dependent on the abuser. She has no one to turn to, no access to money, no place to go to, and a small child she is responsible for. That is why she stays… she feels trapped.

You put up with domestic violence hoping maybe they’ll change for you… no. That never happens. 


They kept you from working so you would have no money to escape and support yourself, or they expect you to work and they have drained all of your savings and money in order to keep you from financial freedom and if you talk, they will take or break everything and you will be out on the street and if you have kids, where and how will you live or survive without money?

There are reasons that people give, and sometimes they sound far-fetched but in the long run, it all comes down to one root thing. Fear.

Times of India

From financial to psychological, there are a hundred reasons why women stay with an abusive partner and it is absolutely morally incorrect to ask them to list these reasons.

The Quora threads: 12