Arranged marriage has been a viable form of finding a suitor for decades now. If you think about it, they’re not really different from dating apps. Except the stakes are a lot higher. So it would certainly help if the process was way less archaic and a lot more refined.
1. Less scrutiny from our age bracket
We all unanimously hate aunties who pass unnecessary judgement and question our life choices right? You know the pain, so stop doing the same to people who voluntarily opt for arranged marriages. It’s their choice, not yours. Instead of criticizing without cause, help fix the system.
2. It’s not anti-feminist
Feminism is about the freedom of choice, the liberty to be at par with men and their rights. If a woman chooses to opt for an arranged marriage, her decision shouldn’t be put under a microscope and dissected. She’s a big girl who is making a calculated decision.
3. An arranged marriage does not mean we’ll give up our autonomy
A lot of men and in-laws view arranged marriage as a transaction. That logic is flawed because a woman is not a commodity. One simply cannot expect a potential wife to wrap up her individual autonomy in tin foil and hand it over to her potential family. A marriage is only successful if both parties share mutual respect and play an equal role. If the male side of the family assumes superiority then that marriage is only going to catapult into disaster.
4. There’s no dating involved
The whole concept of ‘love at first sight’ and the bullshit encounters they show in Bollywood movies are complete fakes. An arranged marriage is not too different from a relationship. You can’t get to know whether you are compatible together in one or two encounters. You need to milk your bond. Go on dates, talk on the phone, get to know your likes and dislikes, pet peeves and hobbies.
5. No big compromises needed
Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to compromise and morph yourself into the perfect partner. If you don’t want to cook, don’t cook! Learn the culinary arts for yourself not to please some hyper-aggressive manchild. Swiggy exists for a reason. If your partner doesn’t understand, he’s not the right partner for you. Period.
6. There is a lot more financial security yes, but you shouldn’t have to give up your own funds
Arranged marriages are a lot more calculated than love marriages. Therefore a higher degree of financial planning and premeditated estimation of risks goes into it, which prevents monetary struggles in later life. But that doesn’t mean you need to merge your savings with your partner. You are allowed to have certain assets in your own name.
7. Glorified dowry is still a huge no
Just because your parents are satisfied with your choice of partner and want to donate a big gift, like a car or a house, doesn’t mean you should accept it. And should you witness your partner express any signs of greed, dump them immediately. It’s a raging red flag.
8. Sexual compatibility matters
Sex before marriage continues to be a huge taboo in our country. Yeah, yeah we get it. But if you are not adequately satisfied in bed after marriage, it’s going to create a huge rift between you two.
9. Your parents get a say, but don’t get to make the final decision.
No one knows you better than your parents. That’s true. And their feedback does matter. But ultimately the choice is yours. Go with your own gut, not theirs.
10. They don’t have to be a religious fit
You can have a successful arranged marriage with someone from another caste or religion or gender for that matter. There, I said it.