Popular media has glamourized the first night of an arranged marriage: the dulhan waits coyly by the bedside (decorated by the family members by fragrant roses and jasmines), in her full red joda, while the dulha in his sherwani enters the room, drinks the haldi ka doodh kept on the table. Then he slowly lifts the ghunghat of the dulhan as the song Mere haath mein plays in the background. 

Let’s not fool around. None of us ever thought it to be true. And so does this reddit thread, which answers the question the most truthfully, “What actually happens during the night after the arranged wedding?”

1. Maybe the first night usually goes like: cuddling and some soft stuff. The real “wham bam” happens anywhere between a week or a month. It depends. Usually couples talk about these things between betrothal and the marriage.

2. Groom sits in a bed with floral decorations, bride enters with some warm milk in a sombu accompanied by some giggling friends/cousins. 

3. Coming from a person who went through this last year. I was not a virgin but my spouse was. So my most important task was to make her feel comfortable. 

4. I told my husband I didn’t want to get intimate and would like to take it slow. He put a pillow between us and we just talked. After a couple of days we tried to get intimate.

5. I think the first night should be the time to talk about expectations of each other in the marriage- kids, career, family life etc… This is also can be the time you get to know about each other. Things regarding intimacy, sexual intimacy will naturally follow in the subsequent days and nights.

Some people even talked about what one should do to avoid an awkward “first night”.

6. What better thing do you guys have to do between now and the wedding? If you can’t meet in person – do sext a lot.

7. You should have had passionate intercourse several times before the wedding, during the courtship phase. If that’s not happening, you’re doing something wrong. It’s such an antiquated notion to assume otherwise. It’s positively counterproductive to human development and societal evolution/maturity.

8. Whatever you guys decide, decide together. You’ll have to live with the memory for the rest of your lives.

Communication is the key. Ask your partner what they feel like. Read non-verbal cues. Usually, if you’re nervous, they’ll be too.

Do you agree?