Uttarakhand’s Uniform Civil Code Bill proposed some changes in the recent state assembly session. Reportedly, it asks couples to register a live-in relationship within one month of the beginning of it. And you know what? I get it. Someone needs to take control of all our relationships, because the youth has forgotten how to do things these days. Also, Pyaar-vyaar is fine, but clearly love and all is getting out of hand. At this point, we do need laws telling us how to regulate our relationships. Even if that means registering them.

The only thing is, I can already see technical difficulties entering the picture. Trust me, I’m just a neighborhood shubh-chintak. I have reason to say so:

1. Pehli baat toh mummy-papa hi nahin maanenge.

The law states that parental consent is needed for people below the age of 21. Can you imagine the kalesh?


2. Harr mahine naya partner ho, toh kitni baar register karenge?

Registration is great… love it, par agar aap dil phenk ho toh? By the time registration happens, I will probably find someone else. Itne lambe nahin chalte mere relationships.


3. Jail ka khaana nahin pasand.

What you can do to avoid all of that, is not register the relationship at all. Live like an outlaw, clearly we love that. Though, I wouldn’t recommend that – I love laws. Laws are the best. However, in that case, you could easily be put in jail. Aur wahan ka khaana kaise khaungi, mujhe gravy momo ki aadat pad gayi hai.


4. Bohot commitment hai.

Registering the relationship is probably an intelligent thing to do, but it is somehow more commitment than getting married. Itni commitment pasand hoti toh stable relationship mein hote na?


5. Shaadi karni hi padegi.

If your parents know…you know. Even if they pretend to be very fine with the relationship, it would only be as long as it ends in marriage. You wouldn’t have much choice left. Shaadi toh ho kar rahegi.


6. Fine ke liye paise nahin hain.

Again, if you don’t register it (I’m not giving you ideas), you gotta pay a fine. Apparently, it’s a fine of ₹25,000. Which, of course, you don’t have. Itne paise hote toh live-in karte? Akele rehte na!


7. Aur relationship tikte kahan hain?

After all of that: registering the relationship, telling the parents, dealing with commitment issues, you have to make it work! Utna aasaan toh nahin hota, varna break-ups kyun hi hote?


8. Pakde gaye toh alag-alag jail cells mein jaoge.

If you’re the rebel kind, and you do end up not registering, you will end up in jail. If you do end up in jail, cells toh alag-alag hi honge. What’s the point of the relationship then?

Pyaar kiya toh darna kya is nice for songs… in the real world, not so much.


Which law should I refer to for these problems?