The man, in a Reddit thread, explained that he first donated sperm to earn some extra money during his college, but stopped doing it before settling down with his partner. However, he then resumed the donation a couple of years ago due to financial constraints.
I became a sperm donor when I was in college. I mainly did it just to earn some spare change and I thought I would be helping people who want children but for whatever reason are struggling. I met my wife in my last year we have been married for about 6 years and I don’t donate anymore. We have our own children and everything is ok but a couple of years ago we went through a rough patch and I donated again to earn some money. I didn’t really tell her because I didn’t see it as a big deal.
While some people found the incident funny, others were seriously pissed with him for keeping this secret from his wife. Here’s what people had to say:
1. “I would personally be upset myself for all these same reasons. We are in a modern age with DNA and ancestry tests. Sure, these sperm children may never know that they were donor created, but there is always a possibility these children might appear later when they come looking. I would feel so betrayed learning about his potential children, especially when the entire time I thought we were one nuclear family. It’s also the fact that I had the choice taken away from me, by never knowing. People have to choose whether they want step-children or deal with a partner that had been previously married, and I think the donor situations also apply here.”
2. “He could have donated blood.”
3. “The product of sperm donation is not illegitimate children. That’s a bad take.”
4. “I was going to say NTA for your decision you made before your meeting your wife and YTA for donating while being married. Until I read your comments. Now it’s just YTA. Are you really so naive? Even if you signed a contract at the clinic that you can’t be contacted, familial DNA testing is increasingly popular. So yes, while you are just a donor, that doesn’t mean the children conceived by your donation won’t contact you one day.”
5. “You didn’t betray your wife by donating sperm before you met her. But, you know you should have at least discussed it with her while you were married or you wouldn’t have phrased it as “didn’t really tell her.” YTA.”
6. “Illegitimate children? What? I don’t think you understand how the donation process works.”
7. “NTA for donating, but YTA for not telling her after all these years.”
8. “Those aren’t his children out there. He’s a sperm donor but that’s where his connection with them ends.”
9. “They are not *your* children, lmao.”
10. “They are your biological children. And, there’s a good chance that they may seek you out one day.”
11. “What gets me is that if he really thought donating sperm during his marriage wasn’t a big deal and his wife wouldn’t care, he would have mentioned it to her WAY before now. The fact that he didn’t suggests that, on some level, he felt there was a reason to deliberately keep it from her.”
12. “Genuinely curious, what moral obligation would a donor have to these hypothetical kids? Even if they show up later?”
13. “YTA, for all the reasons already listed. But if I were your wife, I’d wonder if you were using this sperm donor story to cover up your cheating and potential love child.”
14. “My dad did this and from personal experience, I can tell you YTA. Four years ago, I discovered that I have this exact situation. I’m older – I have grown children of my own and, out of the blue, we got contacted by the state donor association saying we had a biological relative wanting to make contact. I found out that I have three half-siblings, now in their 40s, whom I never knew about. At the time we found out, my dad was too far gone in dementia to take part in the conversation. So, my mum, my brother and I had to deal with the emotional fallout without him. We still don’t know the reasons why he donated, but I was about 10 years old at the time and he never mentioned it. This was a MAJOR drama for us to deal with and was the last straw that broke the camel’s back, in terms of my mum having a breakdown dealing with my dad in his dying years. She felt so betrayed. It really disrupted our family and was a lot to deal with.”
15. “YTA. What the utter fuck? That is a huge betrayal of trust and to have broken the news in front of her friends. Your children likely have biological half-siblings, whom you don’t know. They need to know this information so that they don’t end up in a relationship with their sibling. I don’t think I would forgive my husband if he told me something like that.”
What do you think- is this sperm donor NTA or YTA?
