TBH, I do not get arranged marriages. But a lot of you do and seem happy and such. That said, arranged marriages are difficult, especially for women. So, if you are to be wed to someone, here’s a few red flags you need to consider looking at before you take the plunge.
1. If they say, families get married instead of two people, that’s the biggest red flag there is.
See, two people get married, families don’t. Because of the day, if you are a woman, your husband is not going to stay with your parents. Kudos to him if he does, but he ain’t. We both know that. But you will live with his family and will be expected to do free labour. You will be less his wife, more their ‘bahu’ and forget about having individual choices.
2. If they say stuff like ‘family time ke baad time kahan milega aur kuch karne ke liye‘, that means, say goodbye to your career.
Yeah, all those years of education and you will be reduced to just looking after your in-laws and never be able to pursue your dreams. That’s bad. Even if you are considering it, think about it. If they don’t let you work, you will forever be dependant on others when you want to say, buy something for yourself.
3. If your husband says, he doesn’t really know his way around a kitchen… isshhhh!
I mean, he’s a grown man and learning to cook is not that complicated. And they are not going to hire a cook. You will be feeding that baby bird for the rest of your life and never get an ounce of respect or even acknowledgement because they don’t know what it’s like standing in front of a burning stove for hours.
4. If your prospective in-laws keep mentioning how well your prospective husband earns and how bright his future is and how happy you will be because of it, 10/10 they are going to ask for dowry.
Do I even need to elaborate on this one? I mean, come on guys, Dowry is bad. Also very very illegal. Don’t do it. It’s abuse and harassment. No guy is that valuable, sista!
5. If they come to visit you in your house and start criticising crap, just do yourself and your parents a favour and throw them out already.
If there’s ever been a red flag, that’s one. Don’t give in, don’t go charging into that crap. Your life will become miserable once your move into their house.
6. If they ask you’re a virgin, just tell them no, even if you are.
That’s a very misogynist line of questioning that places a woman’s worth in her vagina. Just say no on principle. It also probably means that the dude has no idea what to do in bed and you are in for a lifetime of disappointment.
7. Just observe how close the prospective husband is to his mom.
Being coddled by your parents is cool… when you are 15. But when they are 30, talking to someone who could be their wife and are still way too close to their mom, they are very likely emotionally stunted and a manchild.
8. If they ask you to ‘fix yourself’, which is basically asking you to use fairness creams or IDK, get waxed or something, or get braces, take away all the food you have offered them and ask them to bite it.
Alternatively, you could use more uncivil methods that I will not help you find because I can’t promote violence here but you can always Google them. Go to the 2nd page at least.
9. Arranged marriages as predominantly casteist in nature. But if somehow this one isn’t, you still need to keep a keen eye on what the in-law ask you.
For example, if you meet them for the first time and they ask for your surname, and then proceed to ask where you are from exactly and then, what your parents do, or what’s the profession of your parent’s family, they are asking for your caste. You do not want to be associated with them.
10. If they ask you to sing, Bhaag Bhaag DK Dose suna dena or ask them for money first.
You are a grown person, not a child entertaining dumb relatives. Don’t do it. Also, let them know in very clear words that you are not a circus freak.
There’s a lot more of this but as women I assume you are already better informed about this than I.