There are a few things that pretty much every person on earth wants to be, but at the top of the list, there are – rich, talented, and amazing at roasting their friends/mortal enemies. Unfortunately, some people just suck at taking the piss out of their fellow man, but fear not!
In this article, we’ve compiled a treasure trove of 100 of the best roasts for friends guaranteed to bring smiles, giggles, and maybe even a few eye rolls. Whether you’re aiming for a gentle ribbing or a full-blown comedic roast, these roast for your friends and clever comebacks will have your friends rolling on the floor with laughter. So grab your popcorn, sharpen your wit, and get ready to see the list of good roasts for your friends.
1. You’re as useless as the ‘ueue’ in ‘queue’.
![Roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/58b42503fb77850b6b91c3f0_56e77205-7614-4eac-a80f-4131113db56a.jpg)
2. Mirrors can’t talk. Lucky for you, they can’t laugh either.
![Roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/58b42503fb77850b6b91c3f0_1e0f91f0-dfa6-4634-bd45-ea48b3b2f67e.jpg)
3. Hey, you have something on your chin…no, the 3rd one down.
![Roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/58b42503fb77850b6b91c3f0_c47ebb95-250c-449c-a2a2-ab60acb1e329.jpg)
Also Read: Innocently Naughty Riddles
4. You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
![Roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/58b42503fb77850b6b91c3f0_5f3a1870-8451-491c-8ef0-e863af289e11.jpg)
5. If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.
![Roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/58b42503fb77850b6b91c3f0_573b1657-7a43-49fd-b2b4-695b9fa029a6.jpg)
6. Your only chance of getting laid is to crawl up a chicken’s butt and wait.
![Roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/58b42503fb77850b6b91c3f0_4d4e09d5-3fcb-454f-a936-9cead91a4efb.jpg)
7. Some day you’ll go far… and I hope you stay there.
![Roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/58b42503fb77850b6b91c3f0_7f37bd7c-3622-466b-bfd1-7d4f86bcb21d.jpg)
8. Aha! I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again!
![Roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/58b42503fb77850b6b91c3f0_ae60e1ef-8160-4e4e-bb63-11de62736671.jpg)
9. You must have been born on a highway cos’ that’s where most accidents happen.
![Roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/58b42503fb77850b6b91c3f0_e5744625-9197-4ad3-86d4-cfe62fd8b89f.jpg)
10. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be crying the world.
![Roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/58b42503fb77850b6b91c3f0_f09cc7cb-bc82-49ed-9f1a-c3012bac5725.jpg)
11. I’m glad to see you’re not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.
![Roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/58b42503fb77850b6b91c3f0_92a59cac-0237-4c8f-8998-c19d5af04914.jpg)
12. Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?
![Roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/58b42503fb77850b6b91c3f0_039315e6-7f93-49b7-ac89-0de27dcb5cd3.jpg)
13. So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
![Roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/58b42503fb77850b6b91c3f0_8aa41648-457e-4abe-9669-b633d054fc1c.jpg)
14. If I wanted to kill myself I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
![Roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/58b42503fb77850b6b91c3f0_ddcb1e77-e70a-454f-b1f7-6b051df9e985.jpg)
15. I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.
![Roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/58b42503fb77850b6b91c3f0_fa5bda61-d3da-458d-9504-4ddd5a2bb852.jpg)
16. When I see your face there’s not a thing I would change… except the direction I was walking in.
![Roast for your friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/58b42503fb77850b6b91c3f0_6b6cf595-bbee-4860-b356-edce3c2224ed.jpg)
17. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart I’d be broke.
![Roast for your friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/58b42503fb77850b6b91c3f0_a704292a-e4ef-4ec9-907f-1d216951b3ef.jpg)
Also Read: Texting Games To Play
18. When you were born the doctor threw you out the window and the window threw you back.
![Roast for your friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/58b42503fb77850b6b91c3f0_c9fbaca7-e3e9-4c0c-bb39-7efb43de37e5.jpg)
19. I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?
![Roast for your friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/58b42503fb77850b6b91c3f0_098c2b6e-65ba-4f0e-a502-1708277f8fab.jpg)
20. You’re like Wi-Fi in a crowded area—constantly dropping connections.
![Roast for your friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26153440/2-3-2.png)
21. If life gave out awards for being a mess, you’d be sweeping the stage every year.
![Roast for your friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26154012/3-3-1.png)
22. You’re the human embodiment of “Ctrl + Alt + Delete” because you always manage to reboot after a mess.
![Roast for your friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26154158/4-3-1.png)
23. If procrastination were an Olympic sport, you’d be the gold medalist.
![Roast for your friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26154139/5-3-3.png)
24. You’re as reliable as a broken pencil—always pointless.
![Roast for your friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26154240/6-3-1.png)
25. If there was a degree in binge-watching, you’d have a Ph.D.
![Roast for your friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26154337/7-2.png)
26. You’re proof that chaos theory isn’t just a theory.
![Roast for your friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26154352/8-3.png)
27. You’re like a pizza crust—always trying to hold it together but falling apart under pressure.
![Roast for your friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26154450/9-2-1.png)
28. If scatterbrains were currency, you’d be a billionaire.
![Roast for your friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26154500/10-2-1.png)
Also Read: Insults For Best Friends
29. You’re the kind of person who tries to parallel park in a drive-thru.
![Roast for your friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26154536/11-4.png)
30. You’re the Picasso of awkward moments—creating masterpieces wherever you go.
![Roast for your friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26154545/12-2.png)
31. If “Oops!” had a spokesperson, it would be you.
![Good roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26154636/13-3.png)
32. You’re as organized as a toddler’s toy box—everything’s everywhere.
![Good roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26154645/14-2.png)
33. You’re the reason Siri turns off her listening mode.
![Good roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26154845/15-3.png)
34. You’re like a computer without spell check—always making typos in life.
![Good roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26154938/16-2.png)
35. If there was a prize for losing keys, you’d have a trophy room.
![Good roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26154949/17-2.png)
36. You’re the real-life embodiment of Murphy’s Law—everything that can go wrong, does.
![Good roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26155428/18-3.png)
37. You’re the reason “easy-open” packages were invented.
![Good roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26155435/19-2.png)
38. If life were a movie, you’d be the comic relief character.
![Good roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26155154/20-2.png)
39. You’re like a human GPS—constantly recalculating your life’s direction.
![Good roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26155458/21-2.png)
40. If there was a class on overthinking, you’d be the professor.
![Good roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26155556/22-2.png)
Also Read: Savage Replies When Someone Asks Good News Kab De Rahe Ho
41. You’re the MVP of accidental puns—always cracking jokes without realizing it.
![Good roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26155604/25-2.png)
42. You’re like a Rubik’s Cube—complicated, colorful, and always challenging to figure out.
![Good roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26155533/24-2.png)
43. You’re as graceful as a newborn giraffe learning to walk.
![Good roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26155703/26-2.png)
44. You’re the reason why “undo” buttons exist in life.
![Good roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26155716/27-2.png)
45. You’re like a walking encyclopedia of random facts—knowledgeable, but sometimes unnecessary.
![Good roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26155725/28-2.png)
46. If laughter were a currency, you’d be bankrupt from spending it all.
![Good roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26155733/29-2.png)
47. You’re the human equivalent of a “404 Error: Page Not Found.”
![Good roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26155740/30-2.png)
48. You’re like a subscription service—constantly renewing yourself, but sometimes with unexpected charges.
![Good roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26153405/1-4-1.png)
49. You’re the life of the party—until you accidentally trip over the punch bowl.
![Good roasts for friends](https://wp.scoopwhoop.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/26155755/32.png)
50. To my friend who’s always fashionably late: You’re the reason clocks have snooze buttons.
51. If brains were dynamite, you’d be a safe neighborhood.
52. I’d say you’re as useful as a screen door on a submarine, but at least the door keeps out the water.
Also Read: Savage Responses Every Woman Can Use For Nosy Relatives
53. If your life was a movie, it would be rated R for Ridiculous.
54. Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got “fine” written all over you.
55. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
56. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
57. Roses are red, violets are blue, I’ve got five fingers, and the middle one’s for you.
58. You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck when thinking.
59. If you were a vegetable, you’d be a “cute-cumber.”
60. I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
61. I’d slap you, but that would be animal abuse.
62. You’re not the dumbest person in the world, but you’d better hope they don’t die.
63. Are you always this stupid, or are you making a special effort today?
64. If you were any less intelligent, we’d have to water you twice a week.
65. Somewhere out there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen for you. You owe it an apology.
66. I’d call you a tool, but even they serve a purpose.
67. If I threw you a surprise party, would anyone show up?
68. Is your name Wi-Fi? Because I’m feeling no connection here.
69. I’m jealous of people who don’t know you.
70. You’re like a Monday, nobody likes you.
71. I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day.
72. It’s not that you’re weird; you’re just not normal.
73. You bring everyone a lot of joy, when you leave the room.
74. You’re not as dumb as you look. Or as you sound. Or as you are.
Also Read: Most Savage Social Media Comebacks
75. You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life.
76. Is there an app I can download to make you disappear?
77. I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons.
78. You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
78. If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.
79. I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my butt.
80. You’re not the sharpest tool in the shed, but you’re definitely a tool.
81. You’re the reason the middle finger was invented.
82. Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you’re Cu-Te.
83. You’re not completely useless; you can always serve as a bad example.
84. I’d insult you, but then I’d have to explain it, and I don’t have that kind of time.
85. You’re the human equivalent of a participation award.
86. If you were twice as smart, you’d still be half as smart as me.
87. You’re not the dumbest person in the world, but you’d better hope they don’t die.
88. I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.
89. You’re like a goldfish, every time you open your mouth, I just want to throw you a snack.
90. If I had a dollar for every brain cell you have, I’d have 15 cents.
91. Is your name Google? Because you have everything I’m searching for… in a friend, except for intelligence.
92. You’re like a dictionary, but only the pages with the typos.
93. If I were to rate you on a scale of 1 to 10, I’d give you a 9… because I’m the one you need.
94. You’re like a broken clock—right twice a day, but still mostly useless.
95. Are you an interior decorator? Because when you enter a room, it’s suddenly full of disappointment.
96. You’re not just a clown; you’re the whole circus.
Also Read: Horrible Responses For I Love You
97. I’m not saying you’re stupid, but you have the uncanny ability to make me feel like a genius.
98. If stupidity were a superpower, you’d be the world’s greatest superhero.
99. You’re the reason aliens won’t talk to us.
100. You’re the human equivalent of a participation ribbon.
These roasts for friends are sure to keep the laughter flowing and the banter alive.