We have a lot of different castes, religions and cultures in India. But when it comes to marriages, our society is still quite conservative. Marrying outside one’s caste or religion is a taboo that Indian parents do not want to deal with. People who have loved someone outside their caste and managed to convince their parents share how they did it all and the challenges they faced.
1.”I have gone through hell for marrying the love of my life. I belong to a family, where there haven’t been any love marriages and also marrying outside the caste was a taboo. One evening, my boyfriend slipped a beautiful ring in my finger and said that I was the only one he wants to get married to and for that he could wait lifetime, we cried together. This gave me the courage to tell my parents about him, obviously they did not agree, they hated me. I had made one thing clear to them that if I get married it has to be him or otherwise I won’t. Finally they gave in and asked me to call him home and after meeting him they realised that he really loved me. Things got arranged, he visited home often, my family met him, I was introduced to his family and we finally got married.” – Quora
2. “It was a breeze. My parents had an intercaste arranged marriage. So when it was my turn my parents asked me if I wanted to marry someone and I told them about this girl I loved. Her parents were also chilled out. So we got married.” – Quora
3. “I just told them I want to marry this girl and we are doing it with or without your blessings. They were like okay great. Unfortunately, they obviously had a problem with it being intercaste and feared ‘society’. They took it out on me by being passive aggressive, not paying for anything, singling me out in front of relatives etc. I didn’t budge and ended up not inviting any relatives because I had to pay for the wedding with my savings and couldn’t afford it. My spouse was also very supportive throughout the whole drama and it helped that her parents were angels. The wedding was a small ceremony with our friends and parents and it turned out to be beautiful despite everything.” Reddit
4. “I tried convincing them for 2 years. Almost lost my mental shit and finally booked flight tickets to move to Bengaluru and get married in court. Then they agreed. My father didn’t take part in the wedding but mother did.” – Reddit
5. “We told them to take as much time as they want, to digest it. Took some years. Meanwhile we were publicly out on social media. So everyone in both communities knew. We are both working, independent and earn decently. And we look good together. Everything made it palatable.” – Reddit
6. “Engaged to a guy from another religion. Honestly, there is not a single argument or logic in the world that will convince them. Actions are what matter. I tried convincing my parents a lot but when I realised it wasn’t gonna work, I said fuck this shit. I’m gonna marry this guy whether you like it or not and whether you’re gonna be a part of my life or not. They didn’t speak to me for months and eventually came around. I won’t say that they have whole heartedly accepted my decision to marry him, but they have agreed to be there in our life and I’ll take what I can get.” – Reddit
7. “I belong to an orthodox Brahmin family and she was from Kshatriya family. We were very careful from the initial days of our relationship. My girlfriend used to speak about me during random conversations at home like I am the topper of the class. We used to send text messages to our respective parents during festivals in between, although we would never get any response. One fine day my GF’s father called me to talk about the matter and enquired about my family’s stand on this issue. He asked me to arrange a meeting between the two families and eventually we got married.” – Quora
8. “I’m from a pure Brahmin family so it was really tough for me to convince my parents. It took me three years to convince my parents. All these years I never gave up and took my stand that I will marry only my then boyfriend. But before all this you have to be very sure that your partner is worth fighting for.” – Quora
9. “After trying for a few years I just told them, “Aapka decision aur mera decision alag hai, but dono se fark mujhe hi padna hai long term mein, kyunki daily basis pe mujhe sath rehna hai aur regret ke sath main nahi reh sakta.” – Anirudh
10. “My husband had to face a fair bit of crap, but he was adamant about marrying the girl he wants and told his parents that this is not negotiable. It took a year, but they agreed. My parents themselves had an intercaste marriage, so I had it easy on my side. But both partners need to be super committed, and shouldn’t say things like, “If I don’t marry him/her, I won’t marry anyone”. It has to be I’m marrying him/her, it’s up to you guys if you want to be part of my life or not.” – Reddit
Intercaste marriages are still a big deal in most of India. Hoping that people’s experiences in convincing their parents help those who are still struggling.
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