India’s premier matchmaker, Sima Taparia from Mumbai is back, and love is in the air… not. Like before, she is flailing around with biodatas to match people, because who else would? Also like before, it’s as mechanic as it gets — or as Sima aunty puts it, ‘first comes marriage, then comes love’.
Thanks to Indian Matchmaking, people have learned a lot about what love should (not) be. Some even compared it to the romantic equivalent of ‘fanta omelette’. And well, we don’t need a taste of that to guess what happens there. But hey, finding a life partner isn’t easy so you gotta give up on compatibility, connection and anything emotional that matters. Just find a person ask them if they want to get married and compromise.
Love can be such a radical, transformational thing, and ‘Indian Matchmaking’ makes it the romantic equivalent of Fanta Omlette— Neerja (@neerjadeodhar) August 11, 2022
If you still have doubts, here are the pearls of wisdom from Sima aunty about marriage:
1. To find a partner, settle for whatever comes your way.
Who cares if there’s no physical or emotional connection, when it’s “time”, you gotta hold onto whoever comes your way. They might not understand you, they may not even have similar interests, hell, you might just not feel anything for them. But, you can always hope to fit in each other’s life after marriage.
2. ‘Girls’, you shouldn’t marry a younger guy.
Guys, you can go on and marry a much younger ‘girl’, that’s totally fine. Ageing doesn’t have an impact on you, so any age difference works, as long as you’re older.
You see what happened with PC and Nick? They’re in love and happy. Who wants THAT after getting married?
3. All you need to find ‘the one’ is, eye contact.
Meet people and stare at them, even if you don’t like them, just go and have a blinking contest. There’s no such thing as ‘choice’, where you can choose to not meet people you do not like.
4. Dating is not the answer. Stick to the first person who wants to get married.
Again, women, do not date. And do not meet or talk to multiple people. Just find the first person who wants to get married — because that’s how we know you’re serious.
5. Compromise is the key to a ‘smooth’ life.
You cannot have it all. And you can definitely not have it like you want. To get married, you need to light a fire and burn all your hopes of a life that you imagined. Compromise toh karna padta hai!
6. Lose the hope to fall in love, and call it ‘patience’.
The new word for giving up on things is – patience. Because you gotta adjust with people who do not fit in your life, and that requires loads of it.
7. Women, learn to change yourself if the guy can’t accept you for who you are.
Listen, you cannot be who you are and expect a person to like that. I mean, that’s just for films. In life, we have to change ourselves to force people into falling in love.
8. No joking. No laughing. If you want a life partner, be a dull person who doesn’t like being happy.
You have to show the family and your ‘potential match’ that you’re serious about getting married. And you cannot be serious if you have a sense of humour, that’s just not how it works.
9. Choosing a life partner is like ordering food. But here, you can’t get everything that you ordered.
Marriage is a restaurant with terrible service, they forget your food. But, you gotta eat whatever is in the plate. Basically, you cannot tell the person you’re married to, about what you want or like – keep it all in.
10. If you still do not find someone, there’s a ‘defect’ in your horoscope.
After all the giving up, ‘settling’, compromising, if you still do not find a person with whom you have good chemistry, get your horoscope checked. Sima aunty can’t be wrong, your kundli is the problem.
I wonder why the birds just stopped chirping.